Another calendar year is nearly complete. This blog has been up and running for just over a year. Most of it has been about my journey out of religion. It has been an attempt to relate in writing my perceptions of my life over the past 3-4 years, mostly dealing with who I am to God and who he is to and in me.
Writing has been difficult for me lately. A combination of being unsure if I should continue with this blog and the fact that I have felt pretty awful lately… say, since July. In the past two months my body seems to have gone haywire. I finally “broke down” and went to the doctor. Yep, she said I have a few problems. I already knew that but she helped narrow it down a bit. She prescribed a few medications, at low doses, which haven’t really kicked in yet. The issues are not solved and I will be going to another doctor in a few weeks to hone in on the problems more precisely.
All this has led to a degree of depression. Self diagnosed, of course, but this “friend” has visited me often in recent years and is again with me. I think it is safe to say that my whole life has been lived with some degree of depression from time to time. Not continual. Just every so often… whenever outside circumstances seem difficult to deal with especially.
The fact that I’m even writing about it here shows a dramatic change in my approach to this subject. I used to either ignore it, deny it, or resent it. I don’t ignore it or deny it any longer and I’m ever so slowly beginning to accept it and go with it.
Some “experts” say that depression is nothing more than suppressed anger. I don’t doubt it. Expression of emotions has always been difficult for me. Lately my journey has taken me into what I see as new understandings about God. Knowing what to do with my old perceptions and how to deal with the years that I held them has been difficult. I’m ticked off about some of the things I was told by those “in authority” in the church and then believed. I placed undo merit on many who I thought were supposed to know the truth and yet didn’t. There was a form of godliness but no power demonstrated. And, of course, this was my life too. I didn’t know any different and didn’t have any power in my life either. I was totally buffaloed by my own beliefs and had no concept of where the power was supposed to even come from. Looking back at this reality, at times, produces anger toward myself, those people, and even at God.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Music Again
I’m enjoying music again… all different kinds. Some that I would have classified as “secular” a few years ago have lyrics that speak to life. With “judging” taking on new meaning, I’ve transitioned and now enjoy a number of different groups. Our sons have introduced their dear old parents to some of their music . We both enjoy the new input. Here’s one from Five For Fighting that I play loud driving around in the car:
It’s about living and loving life… freely. It’s about God creating each of us… our likeness reflecting Him. With gratitude… have a great Thanksgiving Day.
The Riddle
There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me
He said,
Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see
Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me
He said,
Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me
And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
I said,
Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...
The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me
I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me
He said,
Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see
Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me
He said,
Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me
And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
I said,
Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...
The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me
I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
It’s about living and loving life… freely. It’s about God creating each of us… our likeness reflecting Him. With gratitude… have a great Thanksgiving Day.
Monday, November 24, 2008
gossip kills
Last week I attended a gathering of some women whom I have known for quite a number of years. The common denominator that brought us together was the fact that each of us at some point in the past had taken on the task of educating our children at home. We knew each other from that venue. It was a get-together at one of the lady’s homes basically set up so she could introduce and sell a product to earn extra income for her family.
After arriving we mingled and showed pictures of our families. We caught up on our lives and those of our children, where they were, what they were doing, and that sort of thing. During the course of conversation around a table set with food, we started talking about some of those we knew who were not present. Understandably we wanted to know how different ones were doing now.
It didn’t take long before someone mentioned a mom who had changed her life and the way she looked. This person now had an office job and was wearing clothing that was totally different from what she had previously worn. Instead of the high collar, no skin showing person, she now was wearing fashionable clothes, looking “very good”, and drawing the extra attention of men in the office in which she was working.
Even though I made a comment something to the effect like "good for her", trying to stand in for her defense I suppose, I was bothered by the use of innuendo and insinuation that the teller used when speaking of this woman. It was clearly gossip. What business was it of any of us how this woman now dressed much less know that men were noticing her at work? I doubt if she was a personal friend of anyone in the room and yet several present thought talking about her in this manner was okay.
There was a time not too long ago I found out that my family was being talked about. It caused hurt, anxiety, anger, and suspicion just to mention a few emotions created by this injustice of gossip. The source of the gossip came from someone inside our church, the only place such knowledge existed. This was one reason for us leaving the church meeting place, though not the only one. The mental and emotional distress I experienced when going to “church” was very difficult to deal with. The oppressive invisible force always present, I had no resources at the time to fight it. If that was even something that could be done, I don't know. When we left, I suppose you could say the gossips won.
I think that gossip is typical of some religious people. It seems that it is a product of judgment. Judgment is that which is passed by the religious ones against those who fall from the Christian standard of acceptability. Why is gossip so prevalent in the religious church setting? Could belief in keeping the Law have anything to do with this?
If someone lives under the Law, they experience guilt and shame on a regular basis. When a Law person sees someone stumble and fall, their own sense of guilt and shame causes them to feel the need to expose the other (the sinner). They need to make what the other person did seem much worse than anything they may have ever done or thought of doing, thus alleviating their own feelings of guilt or shame.
When I was a child I was constantly chided and made to feel worthless by my alcoholic father. I think it was his way of alleviating his own feelings of worthlessness. This somehow makes twisted sense to me.
Judgment was the default in my life before I became aware of God’s grace. It wasn’t until I realized I desperately needed God’s grace that I became a recipient of it. How could I receive something until I was aware I even needed it. My admission of failure and weakness caused me to begin to see all humans as equally in need. All of mankind is on equal footing when it comes to God. He knows us. We don’t know Him.
Gossip kills. It kills hearts and minds. It kills relationships. It kills like the Law kills. Grace is the soil from which love grows. We all need more realization of our desperate need for God and less self sufficient and self righteous attitudes. The two definitely do not mix.
Seeing all as equally needy will create compassion and camaraderie toward others, not judgment and criticism.
After arriving we mingled and showed pictures of our families. We caught up on our lives and those of our children, where they were, what they were doing, and that sort of thing. During the course of conversation around a table set with food, we started talking about some of those we knew who were not present. Understandably we wanted to know how different ones were doing now.
It didn’t take long before someone mentioned a mom who had changed her life and the way she looked. This person now had an office job and was wearing clothing that was totally different from what she had previously worn. Instead of the high collar, no skin showing person, she now was wearing fashionable clothes, looking “very good”, and drawing the extra attention of men in the office in which she was working.
Even though I made a comment something to the effect like "good for her", trying to stand in for her defense I suppose, I was bothered by the use of innuendo and insinuation that the teller used when speaking of this woman. It was clearly gossip. What business was it of any of us how this woman now dressed much less know that men were noticing her at work? I doubt if she was a personal friend of anyone in the room and yet several present thought talking about her in this manner was okay.
There was a time not too long ago I found out that my family was being talked about. It caused hurt, anxiety, anger, and suspicion just to mention a few emotions created by this injustice of gossip. The source of the gossip came from someone inside our church, the only place such knowledge existed. This was one reason for us leaving the church meeting place, though not the only one. The mental and emotional distress I experienced when going to “church” was very difficult to deal with. The oppressive invisible force always present, I had no resources at the time to fight it. If that was even something that could be done, I don't know. When we left, I suppose you could say the gossips won.
I think that gossip is typical of some religious people. It seems that it is a product of judgment. Judgment is that which is passed by the religious ones against those who fall from the Christian standard of acceptability. Why is gossip so prevalent in the religious church setting? Could belief in keeping the Law have anything to do with this?
If someone lives under the Law, they experience guilt and shame on a regular basis. When a Law person sees someone stumble and fall, their own sense of guilt and shame causes them to feel the need to expose the other (the sinner). They need to make what the other person did seem much worse than anything they may have ever done or thought of doing, thus alleviating their own feelings of guilt or shame.
When I was a child I was constantly chided and made to feel worthless by my alcoholic father. I think it was his way of alleviating his own feelings of worthlessness. This somehow makes twisted sense to me.
Judgment was the default in my life before I became aware of God’s grace. It wasn’t until I realized I desperately needed God’s grace that I became a recipient of it. How could I receive something until I was aware I even needed it. My admission of failure and weakness caused me to begin to see all humans as equally in need. All of mankind is on equal footing when it comes to God. He knows us. We don’t know Him.
Gossip kills. It kills hearts and minds. It kills relationships. It kills like the Law kills. Grace is the soil from which love grows. We all need more realization of our desperate need for God and less self sufficient and self righteous attitudes. The two definitely do not mix.
Seeing all as equally needy will create compassion and camaraderie toward others, not judgment and criticism.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
ALL
Consider this statement:
“Not all men became sinners after Adam demonstrated unbelief and disobedience in the garden."
How would most Christians respond to this statement? The overwhelming majority would say that it is not true. They would insist that death became a reality for all men because of the sin of Adam. They would also say that no one was even given a choice in the matter. Mankind was automatically assigned the death sentence because of Adam’s unbelief and disobedience. The Bible would back up this understanding also.
“…just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned,” Romans 5:13 (NKJV)
I agree. The fact that sin and death spread to all men seems established in this verse.
If we believe that all died without a choice in the matter, then why don’t we believe that Jesus redeemed all without a choice being needed on man‘s part? Do we need to believe first in order to receive redemption? I think belief is important in living a life here on earth. What does believing do for us? Our believing that Jesus finished and fulfilled it all at the Cross brings salvation to our mind and soul as we live our life here and now.
Evangelical Christianity teaches that only those who confess and believe can receive the gift of redemption offered by Jesus Christ. Some are in and some are out. I don’t believe this as I once did. I don’t believe it was an offering, a choice, or an option. Scripture doesn’t bare this out.
Continuing to read in Romans 5 we see that the gift given is much more than the death by offense that mankind received by Adam.
“But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many.” Romans 5:15 (NKJV)
In case the word “many” provokes a question of how many received it, look at Romans 5:18:
“Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life.”
I love the book of Romans.
This is my first post in a month. Some in my family took a week away from home which meant one week to get ready to go and two to get back to normal after returning. Well, that’s my excuse anyway for not writing. More to come…
“Not all men became sinners after Adam demonstrated unbelief and disobedience in the garden."
How would most Christians respond to this statement? The overwhelming majority would say that it is not true. They would insist that death became a reality for all men because of the sin of Adam. They would also say that no one was even given a choice in the matter. Mankind was automatically assigned the death sentence because of Adam’s unbelief and disobedience. The Bible would back up this understanding also.
“…just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned,” Romans 5:13 (NKJV)
I agree. The fact that sin and death spread to all men seems established in this verse.
If we believe that all died without a choice in the matter, then why don’t we believe that Jesus redeemed all without a choice being needed on man‘s part? Do we need to believe first in order to receive redemption? I think belief is important in living a life here on earth. What does believing do for us? Our believing that Jesus finished and fulfilled it all at the Cross brings salvation to our mind and soul as we live our life here and now.
Evangelical Christianity teaches that only those who confess and believe can receive the gift of redemption offered by Jesus Christ. Some are in and some are out. I don’t believe this as I once did. I don’t believe it was an offering, a choice, or an option. Scripture doesn’t bare this out.
Continuing to read in Romans 5 we see that the gift given is much more than the death by offense that mankind received by Adam.
“But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many.” Romans 5:15 (NKJV)
In case the word “many” provokes a question of how many received it, look at Romans 5:18:
“Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life.”
I love the book of Romans.
This is my first post in a month. Some in my family took a week away from home which meant one week to get ready to go and two to get back to normal after returning. Well, that’s my excuse anyway for not writing. More to come…
Friday, October 17, 2008
Mummification - Part 2
You may want to read Part 1 first...
These verses tell it best from Galatians 3, starting in verse 10... “For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” 11 But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” 12 Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”), 14 that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.”
I had fallen under a curse because I believed I had to “keep the law” of requirements that God had given to Moses. Did I think I was meant to keep all of them? No, that would be silly. My religion taught me that just some of them needed to be kept. This went against scripture however. “The man who does them shall live by them.“ If I was going to live by some of the Law then I was going to have to keep all of the Law according to Deuteronomy 17:19: “…that he may learn to fear the LORD his God and be careful to observe all the words of this law and these statutes…” (my emphasis). And if I didn’t keep them all, I could condemn myself by reading James 2:10... “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” I put myself under the curse without even knowing it.
How was I to live my life then? There had to be a solution to this seeming setup from God. He told me that I was to live according to the Law and then I was almost destroyed in trying to do it. Did He really tell me to live according to the Law?
After a search and many months later, I came to the understand that Jesus had finished the law and all its requirements at Calvary. This understanding began to transform me from the inside out. It was like a light went on inside. Jesus had taken the curse for me so that the blessing of Abraham might come through Christ. The same righteousness that Abraham received from God has been given to me through Christ. Right standing with God has been accomplished. It's finished. Not by me, but by Christ. And not just for me, but for all mankind. This is the Gospel message that people need to hear.
God is not looking for my obedience any longer. He knows my weak humanity. He understood from the beginning that man would never be able to make himself right before a holy God by keeping commandments. Because of God’s plan of redemption, He now sees me perfect in Christ. And so it is with anyone else who breathes air. When we recognize that Jesus did it all, we begin to walk by faith and not by sight. We begin to live a saved life.
I now live my life by faith not by laws. Living by laws cursed me, pushing my heart and mind into an unhealthy state. A walk of faith cannot be mixed with laws. Laws bring death. Preachers of the Law are reenacting the ancient Egyptian practice of mummification!
“[It is He] Who has qualified us [making us to be fit and worthy and sufficient] as ministers and dispensers of a new covenant [of salvation through Christ], not [ministers] of the letter (of legally written code) but of the Spirit; for the code [of the Law] kills, but the [Holy] Spirit makes alive.” (II Corinth. 3:6 Amplified)
The clincher is this. I'm no longer obligated to behave a certain way in order to please God. There's nothing I can do to displease Him. I'm dead. Why would I want to return to cause and effect life? It's a lose lose situation. I won't do it because...
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." Galatians 2:20-21 (KJV)
These verses tell it best from Galatians 3, starting in verse 10... “For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” 11 But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” 12 Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”), 14 that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.”
I had fallen under a curse because I believed I had to “keep the law” of requirements that God had given to Moses. Did I think I was meant to keep all of them? No, that would be silly. My religion taught me that just some of them needed to be kept. This went against scripture however. “The man who does them shall live by them.“ If I was going to live by some of the Law then I was going to have to keep all of the Law according to Deuteronomy 17:19: “…that he may learn to fear the LORD his God and be careful to observe all the words of this law and these statutes…” (my emphasis). And if I didn’t keep them all, I could condemn myself by reading James 2:10... “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” I put myself under the curse without even knowing it.
How was I to live my life then? There had to be a solution to this seeming setup from God. He told me that I was to live according to the Law and then I was almost destroyed in trying to do it. Did He really tell me to live according to the Law?
After a search and many months later, I came to the understand that Jesus had finished the law and all its requirements at Calvary. This understanding began to transform me from the inside out. It was like a light went on inside. Jesus had taken the curse for me so that the blessing of Abraham might come through Christ. The same righteousness that Abraham received from God has been given to me through Christ. Right standing with God has been accomplished. It's finished. Not by me, but by Christ. And not just for me, but for all mankind. This is the Gospel message that people need to hear.
God is not looking for my obedience any longer. He knows my weak humanity. He understood from the beginning that man would never be able to make himself right before a holy God by keeping commandments. Because of God’s plan of redemption, He now sees me perfect in Christ. And so it is with anyone else who breathes air. When we recognize that Jesus did it all, we begin to walk by faith and not by sight. We begin to live a saved life.
I now live my life by faith not by laws. Living by laws cursed me, pushing my heart and mind into an unhealthy state. A walk of faith cannot be mixed with laws. Laws bring death. Preachers of the Law are reenacting the ancient Egyptian practice of mummification!
“[It is He] Who has qualified us [making us to be fit and worthy and sufficient] as ministers and dispensers of a new covenant [of salvation through Christ], not [ministers] of the letter (of legally written code) but of the Spirit; for the code [of the Law] kills, but the [Holy] Spirit makes alive.” (II Corinth. 3:6 Amplified)
The clincher is this. I'm no longer obligated to behave a certain way in order to please God. There's nothing I can do to displease Him. I'm dead. Why would I want to return to cause and effect life? It's a lose lose situation. I won't do it because...
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." Galatians 2:20-21 (KJV)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Mummification - Part 1
I’m going to make an attempt to describe what happened to me emotionally and mentally over the past 30+ years. I used the word “mummify” in a conversation with my husband recently. It seemed to identify so succinctly what religion had produced in my life.
I used to believe that God was displeased with me whenever my behavior fell below an unseen line of acceptability. In the same manner I thought that God was pleased when I measured up to His standards put forth in the Bible. I would feel guilty or ashamed when I failed. Conversely, I would feel pretty good about myself when I succeeded. Not only did God have these standards for me to keep but I also had to keep a posture with the church people that indicated I had my act together. I had to act right for God and them too.
This created a false me. It created responses that were not true to my heart. I felt condemned at times and didn’t think highly of my ability to carry through on some of the behavioral requirements for a good Christian. When I did achieve it caused a “good for me” attitude, which also was not my true self. Over time, layer upon layer of fakery smothered my soul.
This is much like what happens to a mummy. The mummification process in ancient Egypt was the way a deceased person’s body was embalmed and wrapped. The abdomen cavity was emptied and dried. The organs, which had been removed, were also dried and put back into the body. Even the cloths used in the drying process were put inside to make the body look like its normal proportions. The outside was prepared with oils to keep the skin elastic. A final application of good smelling oil was made just prior to wrapping.
The wrapping process began with the head and neck. Then the fingers, toes, arms, and legs were wrapped. Between each layer trinkets or charms were placed to protect the dead person from evil spells or actions. A priest read spells out loud while the body was being wrapped. These spells were to ward off evil spirits and to help the deceased pass to the afterlife.
When the wrapping was complete, the body was placed inside a coffin and that coffin inside another coffin. The ancient Egyptians believed that the deceased must then pass through the underworld on its way to the afterlife. There his heart was to be judged by his good deeds on earth. If his heart was found to be pure he would live for all eternity in the beautiful “Field of Reeds”.
After years of guilt, shame, fear, and false security, I lost my ability to think and feel in healthy ways. I lived my life thinking that my feelings were not important. My opinions about how things were to be done also were not important. Emotionally and mentally I shrunk. My strength of mind and heart diminished.
It seemed that God had checked out of the process also. This happened gradually. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and thought that God had disappeared. I simply was not aware of what had happened to me over time. I knew that I wasn’t happy and that my life was empty. Any evidence of spiritual fruit was nonexistent. At least that was my perception. I had unknowingly declared fruit bankruptcy and stopped trying to please God. About this same time I got slammed into a wall.
This “wall” incident was the end of the road to my Law keeping ways. Why do I say Law keeping? I thought my behavior mattered to God. I thought that he would not and could not accept me unless I acted in the right, good Christian way. This meant being filled with the Spirit and having all the right fruit flowing out of me. I believed in cause and effect religion. If I didn’t perform properly, I was doomed. If I performed right, I’d be blessed and problems would be avoided in life. Obviously this did not work. The wall proved it.
My life was kick started into survival mode. It was the beginning of me recovering my soul. I was right where I needed to be... empty and finished with my ways.
Read Part 2…
I used to believe that God was displeased with me whenever my behavior fell below an unseen line of acceptability. In the same manner I thought that God was pleased when I measured up to His standards put forth in the Bible. I would feel guilty or ashamed when I failed. Conversely, I would feel pretty good about myself when I succeeded. Not only did God have these standards for me to keep but I also had to keep a posture with the church people that indicated I had my act together. I had to act right for God and them too.
This created a false me. It created responses that were not true to my heart. I felt condemned at times and didn’t think highly of my ability to carry through on some of the behavioral requirements for a good Christian. When I did achieve it caused a “good for me” attitude, which also was not my true self. Over time, layer upon layer of fakery smothered my soul.
This is much like what happens to a mummy. The mummification process in ancient Egypt was the way a deceased person’s body was embalmed and wrapped. The abdomen cavity was emptied and dried. The organs, which had been removed, were also dried and put back into the body. Even the cloths used in the drying process were put inside to make the body look like its normal proportions. The outside was prepared with oils to keep the skin elastic. A final application of good smelling oil was made just prior to wrapping.
The wrapping process began with the head and neck. Then the fingers, toes, arms, and legs were wrapped. Between each layer trinkets or charms were placed to protect the dead person from evil spells or actions. A priest read spells out loud while the body was being wrapped. These spells were to ward off evil spirits and to help the deceased pass to the afterlife.
When the wrapping was complete, the body was placed inside a coffin and that coffin inside another coffin. The ancient Egyptians believed that the deceased must then pass through the underworld on its way to the afterlife. There his heart was to be judged by his good deeds on earth. If his heart was found to be pure he would live for all eternity in the beautiful “Field of Reeds”.
After years of guilt, shame, fear, and false security, I lost my ability to think and feel in healthy ways. I lived my life thinking that my feelings were not important. My opinions about how things were to be done also were not important. Emotionally and mentally I shrunk. My strength of mind and heart diminished.
It seemed that God had checked out of the process also. This happened gradually. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and thought that God had disappeared. I simply was not aware of what had happened to me over time. I knew that I wasn’t happy and that my life was empty. Any evidence of spiritual fruit was nonexistent. At least that was my perception. I had unknowingly declared fruit bankruptcy and stopped trying to please God. About this same time I got slammed into a wall.
This “wall” incident was the end of the road to my Law keeping ways. Why do I say Law keeping? I thought my behavior mattered to God. I thought that he would not and could not accept me unless I acted in the right, good Christian way. This meant being filled with the Spirit and having all the right fruit flowing out of me. I believed in cause and effect religion. If I didn’t perform properly, I was doomed. If I performed right, I’d be blessed and problems would be avoided in life. Obviously this did not work. The wall proved it.
My life was kick started into survival mode. It was the beginning of me recovering my soul. I was right where I needed to be... empty and finished with my ways.
Read Part 2…
Friday, October 10, 2008
Scriptures Fulfilled
Recently I received an email that originated from several people who would be considered “modern day prophets“. They were asking for prayer for the current U.S. financial crisis. They said that earlier this year someone had prophesied that the stock market would be running into trouble. They used a scripture verse from the Old Testament to say that the word of the Lord for today was linked to this OT scripture.
In the book of John, Jesus explains what the Scriptures were about. He was speaking to Jews who were looking to kill him. He said in chapter 5, verse 37... “And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. 38 But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. 39 You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me.”
Jesus was pointing out to these people that their search for eternal life in the scriptures wasn’t working. The scriptures testified of him. The Greek meaning of testify here means “to be a witness”. The scriptures were a testimony of Jesus and pointed to Him.
The eternal life for which they were looking was to be found in Jesus. Continuing in verse 40... “But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. 41 I do not receive honor from men. 42 But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. 43 I have come in My Father’s name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. 44 How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God?”
The Jews were “not willing to come to Me“(Jesus). To be clear, Jesus is talking to people who were still under the Old Covenant. They did not honor Jesus nor did they receive him because they did not have the love of God in them. However, it seems that they did receive and honor each other. And because of this Jesus said they couldn’t believe. They were more interested in scratching and patting each other’s backs. They wanted to hear what the next great preacher coming along had to say. But let’s not get sidetracked in that direction.
In verses 45-47 He says… “Do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father; there is one who accuses you—Moses, in whom you trust. 46 For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me. 47 But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?”
Jesus said that Moses’ writings were about him. The Jews trusted in Moses but they didn’t believe his writings, therefore they weren’t able to believe Jesus’ words. They were more concerned in keeping the Old Covenant Law.
Transitioning to today, the modern day “prophecy movement” takes great liberty in using Old Testament scripture as if it was directly given to them from God for use. This is troubling. In II Peter 1:19-21 Peter spoke of being with Jesus and he wrote... “And so we have the prophetic word confirmed, which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts; knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.”
Peter says that the prophecy spoken by these holy men was confirmed in Jesus. A New Testament search of the word “fulfilled” will produce a long list of verses quoted from the Old Testament and the words “that it might be fulfilled”. Jesus fulfilled the prophecies of the Old Testament. If Jesus fulfilled them, what more needs to be said or done? If Jesus finished the prophecies, and they all pointed to Him, why are there still prophecies spoken today by “prophets” predicting some future event? Is there something He failed to complete? Do we now need to help Jesus finish the work again? This makes no sense to me.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus explained the events that were happening to those present by saying in Matthew 26:56... “But all this was done that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.”
The topper is this. Jesus speaking to His disciples after His resurrection said in Luke 24:44-45... “Then He said to them, ‘These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.’ And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.”
Most of Christianity today is still believing that the Law needs to be obeyed. I think this is incorrect thinking. The Law has been written on our hearts by what Jesus did on the cross (Jeremiah 31:33). Our stony hearts are now fleshly (II Corinthians 3:3). Jesus fulfilled the Law. If we are attempting to be justified in God’s sight by the keeping of the Law then grace will be of no effect. If we attempt to keep even one law, we have fallen from the grace of God. Paul wrote in Galatians 5:4... “You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.” By our attempts to please God in obeying His commandments, we actually alienate ourselves from God (fall from grace). We deny the Cross of Christ and the fulfillment of all things pertaining to our relationship with God. We have already been placed in right standing through Christ. His righteousness has made us perfect.
In the aforementioned email about the financial crisis, the writers’ intention was to bring relieve to the situation and solution for prosperity. Most of Christianity today is trying to pray away the trials of life that might just be designed by God for our good. We see troubles as negatives to be avoided and prayed out of our lives. This kind of thinking will not move us toward God. It might puff us up if our prayers are answered (and some will seem to be).We may find ourselves disappointed with God when prayers are not answered. We may become disillusioned with God if catastrophe comes upon us (when we thought He should and would keep these things from us). Romans 8:28 comes to mind here… “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Maybe, just maybe, all things means all things, good and bad.
I can do nothing to bring the Will of God to planet Earth. It’s already done. Jesus Christ is the Will of God. He came 2,000 years ago and accomplished what He came to do. So many of my previous beliefs and ideas about God and what He was going to do in the future have been massively replaced by the truth of the Gospel. This has brought such freedom to my soul. I pray that the eyes of your understanding be enlightened too.
“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, 18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. 22 And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” (Ephesians 1:17-23)
“…Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:27)
In the book of John, Jesus explains what the Scriptures were about. He was speaking to Jews who were looking to kill him. He said in chapter 5, verse 37... “And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. 38 But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. 39 You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me.”
Jesus was pointing out to these people that their search for eternal life in the scriptures wasn’t working. The scriptures testified of him. The Greek meaning of testify here means “to be a witness”. The scriptures were a testimony of Jesus and pointed to Him.
The eternal life for which they were looking was to be found in Jesus. Continuing in verse 40... “But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. 41 I do not receive honor from men. 42 But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. 43 I have come in My Father’s name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. 44 How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God?”
The Jews were “not willing to come to Me“(Jesus). To be clear, Jesus is talking to people who were still under the Old Covenant. They did not honor Jesus nor did they receive him because they did not have the love of God in them. However, it seems that they did receive and honor each other. And because of this Jesus said they couldn’t believe. They were more interested in scratching and patting each other’s backs. They wanted to hear what the next great preacher coming along had to say. But let’s not get sidetracked in that direction.
In verses 45-47 He says… “Do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father; there is one who accuses you—Moses, in whom you trust. 46 For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me. 47 But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?”
Jesus said that Moses’ writings were about him. The Jews trusted in Moses but they didn’t believe his writings, therefore they weren’t able to believe Jesus’ words. They were more concerned in keeping the Old Covenant Law.
Transitioning to today, the modern day “prophecy movement” takes great liberty in using Old Testament scripture as if it was directly given to them from God for use. This is troubling. In II Peter 1:19-21 Peter spoke of being with Jesus and he wrote... “And so we have the prophetic word confirmed, which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts; knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.”
Peter says that the prophecy spoken by these holy men was confirmed in Jesus. A New Testament search of the word “fulfilled” will produce a long list of verses quoted from the Old Testament and the words “that it might be fulfilled”. Jesus fulfilled the prophecies of the Old Testament. If Jesus fulfilled them, what more needs to be said or done? If Jesus finished the prophecies, and they all pointed to Him, why are there still prophecies spoken today by “prophets” predicting some future event? Is there something He failed to complete? Do we now need to help Jesus finish the work again? This makes no sense to me.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus explained the events that were happening to those present by saying in Matthew 26:56... “But all this was done that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.”
The topper is this. Jesus speaking to His disciples after His resurrection said in Luke 24:44-45... “Then He said to them, ‘These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.’ And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.”
Most of Christianity today is still believing that the Law needs to be obeyed. I think this is incorrect thinking. The Law has been written on our hearts by what Jesus did on the cross (Jeremiah 31:33). Our stony hearts are now fleshly (II Corinthians 3:3). Jesus fulfilled the Law. If we are attempting to be justified in God’s sight by the keeping of the Law then grace will be of no effect. If we attempt to keep even one law, we have fallen from the grace of God. Paul wrote in Galatians 5:4... “You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.” By our attempts to please God in obeying His commandments, we actually alienate ourselves from God (fall from grace). We deny the Cross of Christ and the fulfillment of all things pertaining to our relationship with God. We have already been placed in right standing through Christ. His righteousness has made us perfect.
In the aforementioned email about the financial crisis, the writers’ intention was to bring relieve to the situation and solution for prosperity. Most of Christianity today is trying to pray away the trials of life that might just be designed by God for our good. We see troubles as negatives to be avoided and prayed out of our lives. This kind of thinking will not move us toward God. It might puff us up if our prayers are answered (and some will seem to be).We may find ourselves disappointed with God when prayers are not answered. We may become disillusioned with God if catastrophe comes upon us (when we thought He should and would keep these things from us). Romans 8:28 comes to mind here… “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Maybe, just maybe, all things means all things, good and bad.
I can do nothing to bring the Will of God to planet Earth. It’s already done. Jesus Christ is the Will of God. He came 2,000 years ago and accomplished what He came to do. So many of my previous beliefs and ideas about God and what He was going to do in the future have been massively replaced by the truth of the Gospel. This has brought such freedom to my soul. I pray that the eyes of your understanding be enlightened too.
“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, 18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. 22 And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” (Ephesians 1:17-23)
“…Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:27)
Saturday, October 4, 2008
So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore
This is the book that gave me permission to stop going to church. It started the revolution in my mind toward everything “God“. I began to realize it was okay to question everything that I had always considered “right“. Of course, I already strongly felt there was something desperately wrong with the institutional system of Christianity. Reading this book gave me hope that there was a way to live and give God His rightful place, which is simply Him living His life in me.
You can read it here online for free. Download it or read it online.
The authors of the book are Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman, former pastors.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Belief and Believing
Just a few more thoughts on belief and believing. I was listening to an mp3 of Mike Williams of Gospelogic recently and I wrote down a couple of things he said that stood out to me.
He said:
This Gospel of grace and peace has brought freedom to my soul that is growing every day. It continues to amaze me.
He said:
“Belief based in threat is no belief at all.”
“There is no evidence that you are a believer if you believe that the threat of punishment stands from God to you if you don’t believe.”
“Empowerment comes when you realize that you don't have to be a believer and you decide to be one anyway based on the evidence that you have.”
“We are the responders.”
“Jesus redeemed us so that we could become believers. He didn't require belief so that we could be redeemed.”
“It is ludicrous to think that man could validate the work of God and make it verifiable through his own belief.”
“God has got to be God on His own without man's help.”
“There is no evidence that you are a believer if you believe that the threat of punishment stands from God to you if you don’t believe.”
“Empowerment comes when you realize that you don't have to be a believer and you decide to be one anyway based on the evidence that you have.”
“We are the responders.”
“Jesus redeemed us so that we could become believers. He didn't require belief so that we could be redeemed.”
“It is ludicrous to think that man could validate the work of God and make it verifiable through his own belief.”
“God has got to be God on His own without man's help.”
This Gospel of grace and peace has brought freedom to my soul that is growing every day. It continues to amaze me.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
My Husband's Blog
For those of you who read this blog and are not afraid of exploring points of view that give a different slant on life in God, I absolutely must recommend my husband's blog redemption4all.
It's been encouraging for me to see him take this plunge into the blogosphere. He has a lot to say and does not hold back. His perspective makes for interesting reading.
It's been encouraging for me to see him take this plunge into the blogosphere. He has a lot to say and does not hold back. His perspective makes for interesting reading.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Eternal Life
Modern day Christianity teaches that in order to receive eternal life we need to ask Jesus into our heart and ask Him to forgive our sins. If we don't we are lost and will spend eternity separated from God.
This idea that eternal life can be attained by simply saying a few words is challenged in Mark 10:17-27. A man asks Jesus “what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?” Jesus gave him a shortened version of the Ten Commandments. The man said that he had kept them all from his youth. He evidently was a moral man. Jesus then told him to sell everything that he has and give the money to the poor. Also He tells the man to take up his cross and follow Him. The man realizing he couldn‘t (or wouldn’t) do these things went away sad.
Jesus asked the man to give up something that was very important to him. How many people today sell everything they have in order to be saved? Probably next to none. If any one of us was asked to give up the most valuable thing in our lives, we would all struggle to do it. Where our treasure is that is were our heart is. Jesus was asking the man to give up his heart. This is impossible for any of us to do. If you give up your heart you give up your life.
He also asked the man to take up his cross and follow Him. Where was Jesus going? He was headed to the cross to die. Was He asking this man to die also on a cross next to him in order to attain eternal life? Possibly.
The disciples were astonished at Jesus’ words to the man and posed a question to Him. “Who then can be saved?” Perhaps they were thinking that Jesus’ requirements were too difficult for anyone to qualify. Jesus answered them by saying, “With men it is impossible, but not with God, with God all things are possible.”
In other words, redemption (eternal life) is only possible through God. Men cannot attain eternal life by what they do. If our works were what qualified us, what and how much would we have to do in order for it to be enough? The very thought that our feeble human abilities can earn the gift of eternal life from God is an insult to Jesus and the price that He paid.
I believe that God saved mankind without any of us having a part in it. Ephesians 2:5 says “even when we were dead in trespasses, (God) made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)”. We were redeemed while yet in our sins. It was not our believing in Jesus that redeemed us. It was not our asking for forgiveness for our sins which redeemed us. It was Jesus’ work on the Cross that brought redemption to the whole world. I Timothy 4:10 says “…we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those that believe.” Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection, and ascension back to his father brought redemption and made it possible for each human to become a believer.
This idea that eternal life can be attained by simply saying a few words is challenged in Mark 10:17-27. A man asks Jesus “what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?” Jesus gave him a shortened version of the Ten Commandments. The man said that he had kept them all from his youth. He evidently was a moral man. Jesus then told him to sell everything that he has and give the money to the poor. Also He tells the man to take up his cross and follow Him. The man realizing he couldn‘t (or wouldn’t) do these things went away sad.
Jesus asked the man to give up something that was very important to him. How many people today sell everything they have in order to be saved? Probably next to none. If any one of us was asked to give up the most valuable thing in our lives, we would all struggle to do it. Where our treasure is that is were our heart is. Jesus was asking the man to give up his heart. This is impossible for any of us to do. If you give up your heart you give up your life.
He also asked the man to take up his cross and follow Him. Where was Jesus going? He was headed to the cross to die. Was He asking this man to die also on a cross next to him in order to attain eternal life? Possibly.
The disciples were astonished at Jesus’ words to the man and posed a question to Him. “Who then can be saved?” Perhaps they were thinking that Jesus’ requirements were too difficult for anyone to qualify. Jesus answered them by saying, “With men it is impossible, but not with God, with God all things are possible.”
In other words, redemption (eternal life) is only possible through God. Men cannot attain eternal life by what they do. If our works were what qualified us, what and how much would we have to do in order for it to be enough? The very thought that our feeble human abilities can earn the gift of eternal life from God is an insult to Jesus and the price that He paid.
I believe that God saved mankind without any of us having a part in it. Ephesians 2:5 says “even when we were dead in trespasses, (God) made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)”. We were redeemed while yet in our sins. It was not our believing in Jesus that redeemed us. It was not our asking for forgiveness for our sins which redeemed us. It was Jesus’ work on the Cross that brought redemption to the whole world. I Timothy 4:10 says “…we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those that believe.” Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection, and ascension back to his father brought redemption and made it possible for each human to become a believer.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
How many cults have you belonged to?
A couple of days ago I wrote about cults. If you read it, you might surmise that some of these events were mine. That would be correct.
If you look up the definition of “cult” in a dictionary, you would find mostly positive definitions. Random House Unabridged defines it as “a particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies”.
I’ve been thinking about all the churches that I have attended throughout my lifetime. They all had definite rites and ceremonies. A “rite” is “the prescribed or customary form for conducting a religious or other solemn ceremony”. (American Heritage). Therefore, it could be said that any religious group that holds to a customary form in the conducting of a ceremony is a cult.
Wait a minute. These weren’t outrageous cultic groups. The churches I’ve attended since birth are of a wide variety and persuasion and most would be considered to be within the mainstream church realm.
I was born into an evangelical denomination in the Midwest. It was a small rural church and they taught that I needed to be born again in order to get to heaven. Nothing radical there, right? I resisted this teaching until I was 17 years old when I made a public profession of faith at an evangelical crusade in a neighboring town. I know that I definitely had a salvation experience. I felt like I was a new person. Certain aspects of my behavior changed overnight and I knew that I had nothing to do with it. I knew God accepted me because my sins were forgiven. My sins weren’t hanging over my head with impending judgment coming. I was happy and free. I wasn’t so sure about future sins. The “lay me down to sleep” prayer, which I learned as a child, seemed to take care of those. At least for a while.
The next church I attended after leaving home for college was a Baptist church near the college. I attended Sunday morning service for most of my freshman year. It was easy to come and go because we were college students and we had commitments elsewhere. I was a part of the Campus Crusade for Christ group at school so didn’t feel any need to participate at the church.
Several friends of mine from college had exposed me to the charismatic movement during this first year. The whole charismatic/pentecostal experience was totally foreign to me until I read a book they gave me. This started me thinking that if this experience was real it might explain why I felt empty so much of the time. I didn’t get along well with my roommate (a strong Catholic) and this bothered me.
In the spring, a singing group from a nearby Christian Bible college gave a concert on our campus. After the concert the choir members came into the audience and “ministered” the baptism of the spirit to those who wanted to be prayed for. Of course I was sitting with the friends who gave me the book and I thought what could it hurt to be prayed for. After that experience (tongues and all) I felt a depth of love inside me that I didn’t have before. I attributed it to the “baptism” experience. Something definitely happened… but what? Another salvation experience?
No longer could I attend the Baptist church. I had to go to a church that accepted my new experience. My choices were between a spirit-filled Lutheran group and a Pentecostal church on the other side of town. Someone from the Campus Crusade group convinced me to go to the other side of town. I experienced culture shock… to say the least. These people seemed on fire and in tune with God. I thought “this is much better than the previous church. It’s alive. These people know how to get in touch with God.” Much to my dismay over the next two years while attending several churches of this denomination in several cities, my life didn’t become more sanctified but just the opposite. Looking good in church and being someone else behind closed doors became a large part of my life. It wasn’t difficult to do. On the contrary it was quite easy to play the game.
Next, I found myself going west where I became involved in a startup Pentecostal church (different denomination) in southern California. The church didn’t last long. I never gave it much thought why. Personally I was relieved when it was closed because I could never put my heart into visiting people in their homes asking them to come to our church. I figured there must be something wrong with me. I never felt good about doing all the things we were supposed to be enthused about doing to fulfill our pastor’s vision.
My roommate, who was part of this church, found a para-church group in town that piqued her interest. After I attended a few meetings, I was hooked. The people were very friendly and took a personal interest in me. This was overwhelming. Being part of this organization over the next 14 years proved to be the best of all my experiences in organized Christianity. Not only did I meet and marry the man of my life, three of our children were born during this time. There was group Bible study every day. We lived on the same property with other believers and shared our lives with each other.
It was great at first. My heart was to be part of a group that was “really doing something for God“. I felt that this ministry’s heart matched God‘s heart. After a number of years however, the group thing wore thin on me. One example of this would be having to answer for our whereabouts. As a family we felt controlled and manipulated. This ended when the pastor died in his sleep one night. From that point the group dissipated.
Less than two years later we moved to my husband’s hometown in northern California. We had three children under the age of eight and no worldly possessions to speak of. My husband’s parents helped us get settled. Our way of dealing with the past was to simply start doing something for God. We joined a local church. Not just any church but a church that was antithetic to the one we just left. This new one had Baptist church affiliation that leaned toward the Willow Creek seeker-friendly approach. Part of our decision to attend this church was because we believed Christians were supposed to be united despite doctrinal issues. We found ourselves amongst friendly people. Friendliness, however, proved to not be enough. After a couple of years, doctrinal issues surfaced. My husband had begun to minister the baptism of the spirit to some of the members and they started speaking in tongues. Oh, oh. We found ourselves gently escorted out the door. This experience was quite difficult for me. I struggled for a number of months with the question... Where was the unity and love in all that?
Then I realized, through the turmoil of this experience, that we were going to start a church. Evidently my husband and the previous pastor had talked about it as a next step for us. My memories of these decisions are very dull. It is hard to believe that I was alive during this time. I had absolutely no heart to be a pastor’s wife. It terrified me. I was raising three boys. How could I find a heart to raise other people and their kids too? It didn’t seem fair. After a few months of trying, we dropped the idea and we found another church to attend.
We’ve always endeavored to find a place of service to God wherever we‘ve gone. A place where we could “serve God’s people“. This was our heart.
The next 12 years at this next church proved to be the culmination of all our efforts to please God. This is where we played out cataclysmic experiences which served to catapult us out of traditional church.
We raised our boys and a late edition daughter at this church. We gave our time and energies to this church, and so did our children. Practically every time the doors opened some representative of our family was there. We wore ourselves out in the name of God, over and over and over again.
Personally, I got tired. I felt alone. I hid this from those around me. I became a non-person, disconnected from life itself. I lost heart and gave up hopes of having abundance again. The basic message from the pulpit was one of reaching the lost. Being a full-time mom and teacher to my children left me little time or energy to go out and get people into the church building so the pastor could preach his messages to them. The Gospel of peace and grace was not taught. There had to be a way to live the Christian life abundantly. This dissatisfaction went on for years. We thought the church experience was good for our children. Eventually all hell broke loose. Our personal lives fell apart. I’ve written about this in earlier posts. Expectations which I had for the church to be able to help us fell short. We left quietly.
In almost two years since that time my life has returned to me. The grace and peace of the Gospel is restoring life to me. The obligation and expectation that I functioned in for so long finally caught up with me. I now choose freedom. That doesn’t mean there aren’t days that I struggle. There are plenty. But the good days far outweigh the bad.
If you look up the definition of “cult” in a dictionary, you would find mostly positive definitions. Random House Unabridged defines it as “a particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies”.
I’ve been thinking about all the churches that I have attended throughout my lifetime. They all had definite rites and ceremonies. A “rite” is “the prescribed or customary form for conducting a religious or other solemn ceremony”. (American Heritage). Therefore, it could be said that any religious group that holds to a customary form in the conducting of a ceremony is a cult.
Wait a minute. These weren’t outrageous cultic groups. The churches I’ve attended since birth are of a wide variety and persuasion and most would be considered to be within the mainstream church realm.
I was born into an evangelical denomination in the Midwest. It was a small rural church and they taught that I needed to be born again in order to get to heaven. Nothing radical there, right? I resisted this teaching until I was 17 years old when I made a public profession of faith at an evangelical crusade in a neighboring town. I know that I definitely had a salvation experience. I felt like I was a new person. Certain aspects of my behavior changed overnight and I knew that I had nothing to do with it. I knew God accepted me because my sins were forgiven. My sins weren’t hanging over my head with impending judgment coming. I was happy and free. I wasn’t so sure about future sins. The “lay me down to sleep” prayer, which I learned as a child, seemed to take care of those. At least for a while.
The next church I attended after leaving home for college was a Baptist church near the college. I attended Sunday morning service for most of my freshman year. It was easy to come and go because we were college students and we had commitments elsewhere. I was a part of the Campus Crusade for Christ group at school so didn’t feel any need to participate at the church.
Several friends of mine from college had exposed me to the charismatic movement during this first year. The whole charismatic/pentecostal experience was totally foreign to me until I read a book they gave me. This started me thinking that if this experience was real it might explain why I felt empty so much of the time. I didn’t get along well with my roommate (a strong Catholic) and this bothered me.
In the spring, a singing group from a nearby Christian Bible college gave a concert on our campus. After the concert the choir members came into the audience and “ministered” the baptism of the spirit to those who wanted to be prayed for. Of course I was sitting with the friends who gave me the book and I thought what could it hurt to be prayed for. After that experience (tongues and all) I felt a depth of love inside me that I didn’t have before. I attributed it to the “baptism” experience. Something definitely happened… but what? Another salvation experience?
No longer could I attend the Baptist church. I had to go to a church that accepted my new experience. My choices were between a spirit-filled Lutheran group and a Pentecostal church on the other side of town. Someone from the Campus Crusade group convinced me to go to the other side of town. I experienced culture shock… to say the least. These people seemed on fire and in tune with God. I thought “this is much better than the previous church. It’s alive. These people know how to get in touch with God.” Much to my dismay over the next two years while attending several churches of this denomination in several cities, my life didn’t become more sanctified but just the opposite. Looking good in church and being someone else behind closed doors became a large part of my life. It wasn’t difficult to do. On the contrary it was quite easy to play the game.
Next, I found myself going west where I became involved in a startup Pentecostal church (different denomination) in southern California. The church didn’t last long. I never gave it much thought why. Personally I was relieved when it was closed because I could never put my heart into visiting people in their homes asking them to come to our church. I figured there must be something wrong with me. I never felt good about doing all the things we were supposed to be enthused about doing to fulfill our pastor’s vision.
My roommate, who was part of this church, found a para-church group in town that piqued her interest. After I attended a few meetings, I was hooked. The people were very friendly and took a personal interest in me. This was overwhelming. Being part of this organization over the next 14 years proved to be the best of all my experiences in organized Christianity. Not only did I meet and marry the man of my life, three of our children were born during this time. There was group Bible study every day. We lived on the same property with other believers and shared our lives with each other.
It was great at first. My heart was to be part of a group that was “really doing something for God“. I felt that this ministry’s heart matched God‘s heart. After a number of years however, the group thing wore thin on me. One example of this would be having to answer for our whereabouts. As a family we felt controlled and manipulated. This ended when the pastor died in his sleep one night. From that point the group dissipated.
Less than two years later we moved to my husband’s hometown in northern California. We had three children under the age of eight and no worldly possessions to speak of. My husband’s parents helped us get settled. Our way of dealing with the past was to simply start doing something for God. We joined a local church. Not just any church but a church that was antithetic to the one we just left. This new one had Baptist church affiliation that leaned toward the Willow Creek seeker-friendly approach. Part of our decision to attend this church was because we believed Christians were supposed to be united despite doctrinal issues. We found ourselves amongst friendly people. Friendliness, however, proved to not be enough. After a couple of years, doctrinal issues surfaced. My husband had begun to minister the baptism of the spirit to some of the members and they started speaking in tongues. Oh, oh. We found ourselves gently escorted out the door. This experience was quite difficult for me. I struggled for a number of months with the question... Where was the unity and love in all that?
Then I realized, through the turmoil of this experience, that we were going to start a church. Evidently my husband and the previous pastor had talked about it as a next step for us. My memories of these decisions are very dull. It is hard to believe that I was alive during this time. I had absolutely no heart to be a pastor’s wife. It terrified me. I was raising three boys. How could I find a heart to raise other people and their kids too? It didn’t seem fair. After a few months of trying, we dropped the idea and we found another church to attend.
We’ve always endeavored to find a place of service to God wherever we‘ve gone. A place where we could “serve God’s people“. This was our heart.
The next 12 years at this next church proved to be the culmination of all our efforts to please God. This is where we played out cataclysmic experiences which served to catapult us out of traditional church.
We raised our boys and a late edition daughter at this church. We gave our time and energies to this church, and so did our children. Practically every time the doors opened some representative of our family was there. We wore ourselves out in the name of God, over and over and over again.
Personally, I got tired. I felt alone. I hid this from those around me. I became a non-person, disconnected from life itself. I lost heart and gave up hopes of having abundance again. The basic message from the pulpit was one of reaching the lost. Being a full-time mom and teacher to my children left me little time or energy to go out and get people into the church building so the pastor could preach his messages to them. The Gospel of peace and grace was not taught. There had to be a way to live the Christian life abundantly. This dissatisfaction went on for years. We thought the church experience was good for our children. Eventually all hell broke loose. Our personal lives fell apart. I’ve written about this in earlier posts. Expectations which I had for the church to be able to help us fell short. We left quietly.
In almost two years since that time my life has returned to me. The grace and peace of the Gospel is restoring life to me. The obligation and expectation that I functioned in for so long finally caught up with me. I now choose freedom. That doesn’t mean there aren’t days that I struggle. There are plenty. But the good days far outweigh the bad.
Monday, September 8, 2008
What is a cult?
The word “cult” has a negative connotation in the church world. If anyone is involved in a cult they are believed to be out of the normal flow of Christianity. Dictionary.com’s definition #6 states a cult as “a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.” These leaders have a special “calling” from God. They are idealized by their followers who feel special to be a part of the group. Acceptance and love are an important part of the experience. Belonging makes a person feel good about themselves. Validation (approval) is earned from the group by following the parameters laid down by those in charge.
What kind of people get involved in these groups? All kinds. People want truth. We’re built to go after it. Our mind and soul desires truth. There is usually some element of truth espoused by these groups. The meeting of basic human needs (love and acceptance) draws people. We want to belong. Our chances of becoming involved in one of these groups increase simply because we are human beings.
Inside the group, definite parameters of conduct are spelled out by those in charge. It is understood what is acceptable and what is not. These parameters are not to be crossed. If you fail in any rule of conduct, either intentionally or unintentionally, you will experience guilt and shame. You don’t want anyone in the group to know about your faults. You want to protect your safe world. If your inconsistencies are exposed you might lose the fruit of being a part of the group… validation, acceptance, and love. You must hide. Others must not know your faults. Hiding becomes part of your nature. You become a liar and a fake. Ironically, this runs opposite of what drew you to the group in the first place… TRUTH.
You may end up confessing your faults to someone in “authority” with the intent to alleviate the overwhelming guilt and shame and to possibly fix your problem. If this happens, watch out! Known rule breakers must be dealt with. If rules are not enforced, the structure of the group is in jeopardy. It is the structure that holds the group together. Its creeds and laws help the leaders maintain control of the group.
The leaders will discipline you. This can follow any number of directions. You could be hauled up in front of the whole group and corrected. Your shame and guilt have now been multiplied several times over even though the purpose of your confession was to alleviate these very feelings. The most strict of cults use these methods. Talk about behavior modification’s effectiveness!
Another method of discipline might put you in a place where you need to answer to certain people about your behavior. This keeps you on a leash. You are watched. You are monitored. This is meant to keep you in line so future failure does not occur. This discipline may work for a while but usually does not have the lasting effect it is meant to engender. You will end up feeling like a failure. This method is called “accountability” in real churches.
A third disciplinary action that may be employed is shunning. The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word shun as this: “To avoid deliberately; keep away from”. This disciplinary response can create paranoia in the shunned person. Paranoia is “a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.” If paranoia results from shunning, a terrible cruelty has been inflicted upon this person. To alter the mind of person is callous at best. I don’t doubt that people who shun other people in this way don’t necessarily intend this damage. Those in charge may deny it as “discipline” altogether. Shunning will drive a person to “mental disorder” if allowed to continue. Another element that may be employed indirectly is gossip. The well meaning leader may tell someone of your fault and this person turns out to be a gossip. Before you know it, all sorts of people in the group know of your failure. This also tends to paranoia. Who knows and who doesn’t? You end up living in a surreal world when you are around these people. You know gossip is occurring, yet no one talks to you. They just smile. The “all-knowing” smile. Or the “you really blew it” smile. Or the “you poor thing” smile. Or the best of all “I don’t want to catch what you have” smile.
By the way, if the leader is telling someone about your situation and that person is in no way involved, does that make the leader a gossip too? Oh, no, they're probably just asking prayer for you. This is the road to insanity! GET OUT!
What kind of people get involved in these groups? All kinds. People want truth. We’re built to go after it. Our mind and soul desires truth. There is usually some element of truth espoused by these groups. The meeting of basic human needs (love and acceptance) draws people. We want to belong. Our chances of becoming involved in one of these groups increase simply because we are human beings.
Inside the group, definite parameters of conduct are spelled out by those in charge. It is understood what is acceptable and what is not. These parameters are not to be crossed. If you fail in any rule of conduct, either intentionally or unintentionally, you will experience guilt and shame. You don’t want anyone in the group to know about your faults. You want to protect your safe world. If your inconsistencies are exposed you might lose the fruit of being a part of the group… validation, acceptance, and love. You must hide. Others must not know your faults. Hiding becomes part of your nature. You become a liar and a fake. Ironically, this runs opposite of what drew you to the group in the first place… TRUTH.
You may end up confessing your faults to someone in “authority” with the intent to alleviate the overwhelming guilt and shame and to possibly fix your problem. If this happens, watch out! Known rule breakers must be dealt with. If rules are not enforced, the structure of the group is in jeopardy. It is the structure that holds the group together. Its creeds and laws help the leaders maintain control of the group.
The leaders will discipline you. This can follow any number of directions. You could be hauled up in front of the whole group and corrected. Your shame and guilt have now been multiplied several times over even though the purpose of your confession was to alleviate these very feelings. The most strict of cults use these methods. Talk about behavior modification’s effectiveness!
Another method of discipline might put you in a place where you need to answer to certain people about your behavior. This keeps you on a leash. You are watched. You are monitored. This is meant to keep you in line so future failure does not occur. This discipline may work for a while but usually does not have the lasting effect it is meant to engender. You will end up feeling like a failure. This method is called “accountability” in real churches.
A third disciplinary action that may be employed is shunning. The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word shun as this: “To avoid deliberately; keep away from”. This disciplinary response can create paranoia in the shunned person. Paranoia is “a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.” If paranoia results from shunning, a terrible cruelty has been inflicted upon this person. To alter the mind of person is callous at best. I don’t doubt that people who shun other people in this way don’t necessarily intend this damage. Those in charge may deny it as “discipline” altogether. Shunning will drive a person to “mental disorder” if allowed to continue. Another element that may be employed indirectly is gossip. The well meaning leader may tell someone of your fault and this person turns out to be a gossip. Before you know it, all sorts of people in the group know of your failure. This also tends to paranoia. Who knows and who doesn’t? You end up living in a surreal world when you are around these people. You know gossip is occurring, yet no one talks to you. They just smile. The “all-knowing” smile. Or the “you really blew it” smile. Or the “you poor thing” smile. Or the best of all “I don’t want to catch what you have” smile.
By the way, if the leader is telling someone about your situation and that person is in no way involved, does that make the leader a gossip too? Oh, no, they're probably just asking prayer for you. This is the road to insanity! GET OUT!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
a warning from Jesus
Read Jesus’ words speaking to his disciples and the multitudes about scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23:2-7.
“…saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3 Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. 4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. 5 But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. 6 They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’ “
To his disciples and followers he says in verses 8-12…
“But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren. 9 Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. 11 But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.“
Jesus seems to be saying that He wants equality amongst those who follow Him. I don’t think we have followed these instructions very well. Christianity today looks very little like this. One “leader” after another is exalted over others. Followers become people who do not take responsibility for their own relationship with God. Followers seem to think "the “leader” knows best and is closer to God and hears His voice." He or she may have a title that reflects a life of study and dedication to God. Followers dupe themselves into a life of “sit back and watch the show“. This life will produce complacency towards God and dependence on this system.
Our Teacher is the Christ. Our Father is in heaven. We are created for a "one on one" relationship with Him.
Matthew 8:13... “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.”
Jesus strongly issues a warning to those who set themselves above others in religious settings. He accuses these particular scribes and Pharisees of hypocrisy and of shutting people out of the kingdom of heaven. Dangerous situations are created when people are put up on pedestals. Danger for the ones put on the pedestal and danger for the ones putting them there. Jesus never intended this.
Let God be God… man be man… and not confuse the two.
“…saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3 Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. 4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. 5 But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. 6 They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’ “
To his disciples and followers he says in verses 8-12…
“But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren. 9 Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. 11 But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.“
Jesus seems to be saying that He wants equality amongst those who follow Him. I don’t think we have followed these instructions very well. Christianity today looks very little like this. One “leader” after another is exalted over others. Followers become people who do not take responsibility for their own relationship with God. Followers seem to think "the “leader” knows best and is closer to God and hears His voice." He or she may have a title that reflects a life of study and dedication to God. Followers dupe themselves into a life of “sit back and watch the show“. This life will produce complacency towards God and dependence on this system.
Our Teacher is the Christ. Our Father is in heaven. We are created for a "one on one" relationship with Him.
Matthew 8:13... “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.”
Jesus strongly issues a warning to those who set themselves above others in religious settings. He accuses these particular scribes and Pharisees of hypocrisy and of shutting people out of the kingdom of heaven. Dangerous situations are created when people are put up on pedestals. Danger for the ones put on the pedestal and danger for the ones putting them there. Jesus never intended this.
Let God be God… man be man… and not confuse the two.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Crucified -- Raised -- Loved
“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,” (Ephesians 2:4-6)
“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.“ (Galatians 2:20)
These verses mirror each other.
#1 - Both speak of death. Ephesians says “we were dead.” Galatians says “I am crucified.” We were in Christ at the Cross.
#2 - Both speak of life. Ephesians says “made us alive together with Christ”. Galatians says “nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me.” We were in Christ at the Cross and were raised with Him in the resurrection. He lives in us.
#3 - Both speak of love. Ephesians says “because of His great love”. Galatians says “who loved me.” The love and faith of God and the Son of God makes it all happen in us.
This is the gospel of grace and the gospel of peace. This is the will of God for His creation.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Do we have a choice?
Did God give mankind a choice to be condemned because of Adam‘s sin? Most everyone I’ve known in Christianity over the years would say “no“. All of mankind was condemned when Adam (and Eve) acted in unbelief and disobedience toward God in the garden.
So, if we have no choice in that matter, do we have a choice in regard to reconciliation with God? Especially note verse 18 in Romans 5:12-21.
“Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned— 13 (For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law. 14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come. 15 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many. 16 And the gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned. For the judgment which came from one offense resulted in condemnation, but the free gift which came from many offenses resulted in justification. 17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.) 18 Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. 19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous. 20 Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, 21 so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (NKJV)
By one man’s offense all men were judged, made sinners, and condemned. By one man’s righteous act all men were justified and made righteous. There is no mention of choice being available in either case… to be condemned or redeemed.
So, if we have no choice in that matter, do we have a choice in regard to reconciliation with God? Especially note verse 18 in Romans 5:12-21.
“Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned— 13 (For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law. 14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come. 15 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many. 16 And the gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned. For the judgment which came from one offense resulted in condemnation, but the free gift which came from many offenses resulted in justification. 17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.) 18 Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. 19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous. 20 Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, 21 so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (NKJV)
By one man’s offense all men were judged, made sinners, and condemned. By one man’s righteous act all men were justified and made righteous. There is no mention of choice being available in either case… to be condemned or redeemed.
Monday, July 21, 2008
a new covenant
Jeremiah 31:31-34 says… “Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— 32 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” (NKJV)
These verses from Jeremiah speak of a new covenant which God will make with his people. The old covenant had been broken repeatedly. The rules of the old covenant were the laws that He gave them through Moses. This is referring to the Hebrew nation of Old Testament times. Historical context is important in order for us to understand what God did and what His intentions were towards His creation.
Verse 33 uses the words after those days. What days? The days after the redeemer would walk the earth and fulfill what He came to do. This redeemer was Jesus Christ. A new covenant was brought into existence through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.
This new covenant is not like the old one. He no longer leads us by the hand. It is not an external relationship. In the new covenant it has become an internal relationship with a living God. He lives inside of us. He has put His law in our minds and written it on our hearts.
to be continued...
These verses from Jeremiah speak of a new covenant which God will make with his people. The old covenant had been broken repeatedly. The rules of the old covenant were the laws that He gave them through Moses. This is referring to the Hebrew nation of Old Testament times. Historical context is important in order for us to understand what God did and what His intentions were towards His creation.
Verse 33 uses the words after those days. What days? The days after the redeemer would walk the earth and fulfill what He came to do. This redeemer was Jesus Christ. A new covenant was brought into existence through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.
This new covenant is not like the old one. He no longer leads us by the hand. It is not an external relationship. In the new covenant it has become an internal relationship with a living God. He lives inside of us. He has put His law in our minds and written it on our hearts.
to be continued...
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Retrospection… part 4
This writing is preceded by three posts which can be read...
part 1
part 2
part 3
During this period of seeking, one Bible verse consistently showed up. Galatians 2:20: “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
What is being “crucified with Christ” supposed to look like and yet still be alive? What does this mean? My seeking continued to take me to places where grace was talked about. What is this grace? Unmerited favor is the definition I was familiar with. I came to understand that favor with God means that He is pleased with me. There is nothing I can do to enhance or destroy the way God sees me. Doesn’t sin disqualify me from it? Is my sin stronger than Jesus and what He accomplished at the Cross? No, I think not. We cannot undo what Jesus did. It’s that simple. He paid the ransom price one time for all people. This spells FREEDOM!
Falling from grace, according to the Bible, can happen. It happens when we think we can gain God’s favor by what we do or don’t do. If we think our deeds or attitudes can separate us from or join us to God, we nullify grace. We say that the power of the blood of Jesus is not strong enough to overcome our works of self righteousness. The reality, however, is that the blood of Jesus is not only strong enough to overcome our deeds, but He did it for the whole world without anyone's permission.
One of the first things that clicked in my understanding was that my dependence was to be on Him, not myself. Dependence on myself created self-righteousness. This created expectations of others. I expected the church people to act differently. I placed expectations on them that God never did. After realizing that those expectations were wrong, I released them. Almost overnight, the anxiety that I had been experiencing stopped.
The disillusionment that I experienced was only possible because I had an illusion. My understanding of how God saw me was an illusion. I thought His judgment was still around the corner. I thought that Old Covenant principles still applied to today. (I didn’t really believe this, if you would have asked me. But I lived it regardless.) The Cross of Christ brought in a New Covenant. The belief system I had a year ago, has been mostly overthrown and replaced by grace and peace. It’s not even a system anymore. The religious life I had before has been replaced by a real life. A life that doesn’t bury me alive. A life that allows for my humanity. A life that I believe God intended me to live.
part 1
part 2
part 3
During this period of seeking, one Bible verse consistently showed up. Galatians 2:20: “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
What is being “crucified with Christ” supposed to look like and yet still be alive? What does this mean? My seeking continued to take me to places where grace was talked about. What is this grace? Unmerited favor is the definition I was familiar with. I came to understand that favor with God means that He is pleased with me. There is nothing I can do to enhance or destroy the way God sees me. Doesn’t sin disqualify me from it? Is my sin stronger than Jesus and what He accomplished at the Cross? No, I think not. We cannot undo what Jesus did. It’s that simple. He paid the ransom price one time for all people. This spells FREEDOM!
Falling from grace, according to the Bible, can happen. It happens when we think we can gain God’s favor by what we do or don’t do. If we think our deeds or attitudes can separate us from or join us to God, we nullify grace. We say that the power of the blood of Jesus is not strong enough to overcome our works of self righteousness. The reality, however, is that the blood of Jesus is not only strong enough to overcome our deeds, but He did it for the whole world without anyone's permission.
One of the first things that clicked in my understanding was that my dependence was to be on Him, not myself. Dependence on myself created self-righteousness. This created expectations of others. I expected the church people to act differently. I placed expectations on them that God never did. After realizing that those expectations were wrong, I released them. Almost overnight, the anxiety that I had been experiencing stopped.
The disillusionment that I experienced was only possible because I had an illusion. My understanding of how God saw me was an illusion. I thought His judgment was still around the corner. I thought that Old Covenant principles still applied to today. (I didn’t really believe this, if you would have asked me. But I lived it regardless.) The Cross of Christ brought in a New Covenant. The belief system I had a year ago, has been mostly overthrown and replaced by grace and peace. It’s not even a system anymore. The religious life I had before has been replaced by a real life. A life that doesn’t bury me alive. A life that allows for my humanity. A life that I believe God intended me to live.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Retrospection… part 3
This writing is preceded by two other posts which can be read here (part 1) and here (part 2).
Through all this God was working to restore us to Himself. The primary reason I would give at the time for leaving was that I wanted to recover our spiritual lives, whatever that meant. Feeling disconnected from God and not understanding why, it seemed that the church we were in was not going to be a solution for us. Not understanding the emotions inside, we found ourselves leaving Sunday morning services in worse shape than when we went in. The decision to leave did not come easy. We simply left. No explanation to anyone.
Not characteristic of us, this manner of departure demonstrated our lack of strength. The emotional battles we had fought for 20 months had taken their toll. This was not a battle I was going to fight. I didn’t care about solving any of these problems anymore. I had no faith that they were solvable. “Get me out of here, it hurts!” was my general standing.
We visited six or seven churches for about 6 months. To our astonishment we found that each was basically the same as the others including the one we had initially left. Every church seemed to have the same basic format and connecting with people was difficult. Nothing meshed.
It was toward the end of this six month period that I found a book online entitled So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore? written by Wayne Jacobsen. It sparked something inside of me. I read it to my husband. We gave ourselves permission to stop trying to find a church. At first it was difficult. Perhaps more for my husband than me. For quite some time I had been disenchanted with church. New ideas had sprung to life and I felt God stirring things up.
I listened to Wayne's online series entitled Transitions. I read his book entitled He Loves Me. Feeling God's love was foreign. I knew in my mind that He loved me, but I wanted to sense Him. After reading He Loves Me (twice), I decided to ask God to show me His love everyday in whatever way He wanted.
My heart began changing. I was waiting for Him to make the moves. I did not try to create anything. I simply waited for Him. Things that I was doing seemed to be connected. The journey on which I had embarked to find God began producing fruit.
Through all this God was working to restore us to Himself. The primary reason I would give at the time for leaving was that I wanted to recover our spiritual lives, whatever that meant. Feeling disconnected from God and not understanding why, it seemed that the church we were in was not going to be a solution for us. Not understanding the emotions inside, we found ourselves leaving Sunday morning services in worse shape than when we went in. The decision to leave did not come easy. We simply left. No explanation to anyone.
Not characteristic of us, this manner of departure demonstrated our lack of strength. The emotional battles we had fought for 20 months had taken their toll. This was not a battle I was going to fight. I didn’t care about solving any of these problems anymore. I had no faith that they were solvable. “Get me out of here, it hurts!” was my general standing.
We visited six or seven churches for about 6 months. To our astonishment we found that each was basically the same as the others including the one we had initially left. Every church seemed to have the same basic format and connecting with people was difficult. Nothing meshed.
It was toward the end of this six month period that I found a book online entitled So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore? written by Wayne Jacobsen. It sparked something inside of me. I read it to my husband. We gave ourselves permission to stop trying to find a church. At first it was difficult. Perhaps more for my husband than me. For quite some time I had been disenchanted with church. New ideas had sprung to life and I felt God stirring things up.
I listened to Wayne's online series entitled Transitions. I read his book entitled He Loves Me. Feeling God's love was foreign. I knew in my mind that He loved me, but I wanted to sense Him. After reading He Loves Me (twice), I decided to ask God to show me His love everyday in whatever way He wanted.
My heart began changing. I was waiting for Him to make the moves. I did not try to create anything. I simply waited for Him. Things that I was doing seemed to be connected. The journey on which I had embarked to find God began producing fruit.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Retrospection… part 2
part 1 is here
Where was God in all this? This was His Church, right? This isn’t supposed to happen in church! Then I thought why the heck were we so open in the first place with our problems. If we had just kept everything to ourselves and not told a soul we’d be better off, I thought. But that went against the grain of the route we had taken to restore our marriage. Complete openness and honesty was a key in our restoration. Why would being open and honest with God’s people cause such a backlash against us?
It has taken quite a bit of time and analysis to try to figure out the answer to this question and others. To date this is what I figure. My husband and I have a relationship. We love each other. We loved each other before all our problems surfaced. We turned towards each other and grabbed hold of our life again and were able to build a stronger relationship than ever before.
These elements were not present in our relationship with the church. Quite frankly, I don’t even think it is possible to have a relationship with a church. Think about it. A church… what is it? A building? A group of people that know each other simply by what day of the week the calendar says it is? Or by what kind of doctrine the church ascribes to? We were amiable with many people but we didn’t have deep loving relationships. The deepest we ever went with anyone was when we started telling our story to some of the couples.
We were told early on that others did not need to know our struggles, but it didn’t take long before we found ourselves feeling isolated. I thought we needed to talk to someone. Resources that I had read indicated that openness and honesty was the best policy for recovery. After being encouraged on several fronts to talk, we did. It seemed like the right thing to do. Our thinking was that by being open and honest it would help others to do the same. If we could have problems of this sort, certainly others were having similar issues. We might be able to help avert other disasters. “If this can happen to us, it can happen to anyone.”
It was not clear in my mind who was to be trusted and who was not. I know now that we put ourselves in an extremely vulnerable position. I was never certain that our openness was the right approach. I knew it was a risk. I also knew that forgiving was risky but it was paying off in my marriage. Helping others would be worth it I thought.
Because of the gossip and the feelings of isolation and shunning (whether this was intended or not, it was real to us), we slowly became disillusioned with the whole process. Without resolution we left the church that we had attended for 12 years.
Where was God in all this? This was His Church, right? This isn’t supposed to happen in church! Then I thought why the heck were we so open in the first place with our problems. If we had just kept everything to ourselves and not told a soul we’d be better off, I thought. But that went against the grain of the route we had taken to restore our marriage. Complete openness and honesty was a key in our restoration. Why would being open and honest with God’s people cause such a backlash against us?
It has taken quite a bit of time and analysis to try to figure out the answer to this question and others. To date this is what I figure. My husband and I have a relationship. We love each other. We loved each other before all our problems surfaced. We turned towards each other and grabbed hold of our life again and were able to build a stronger relationship than ever before.
These elements were not present in our relationship with the church. Quite frankly, I don’t even think it is possible to have a relationship with a church. Think about it. A church… what is it? A building? A group of people that know each other simply by what day of the week the calendar says it is? Or by what kind of doctrine the church ascribes to? We were amiable with many people but we didn’t have deep loving relationships. The deepest we ever went with anyone was when we started telling our story to some of the couples.
We were told early on that others did not need to know our struggles, but it didn’t take long before we found ourselves feeling isolated. I thought we needed to talk to someone. Resources that I had read indicated that openness and honesty was the best policy for recovery. After being encouraged on several fronts to talk, we did. It seemed like the right thing to do. Our thinking was that by being open and honest it would help others to do the same. If we could have problems of this sort, certainly others were having similar issues. We might be able to help avert other disasters. “If this can happen to us, it can happen to anyone.”
It was not clear in my mind who was to be trusted and who was not. I know now that we put ourselves in an extremely vulnerable position. I was never certain that our openness was the right approach. I knew it was a risk. I also knew that forgiving was risky but it was paying off in my marriage. Helping others would be worth it I thought.
Because of the gossip and the feelings of isolation and shunning (whether this was intended or not, it was real to us), we slowly became disillusioned with the whole process. Without resolution we left the church that we had attended for 12 years.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Retrospection… part 1
I started this blog last December 2007 hoping to capture some of my journey and put it in a form that might be productive to not only me but others. The learning process is fluid. Much has happened in the last two months which has helped me understand more clearly still what took place. These next four posts are a synopsis of my journey to date. These won’t conclude my writing on this issue but I do want to scale back and begin looking at other subjects. So this is the first of four…
My foundations were destroyed 3 years ago. I tried to find stability in my faith as I understood it at that time. My husband and I continued going to church and tried to make sense of the problems we had encountered in our marriage. We found resources online that sent us in the right direction as far as our marriage was concerned. However, the disillusionment that we experienced regarding the church and the lack of support that we thought should be present bothered us. Where was God in all this? Why didn't this work the way we thought it was supposed to? We were both at a loss in understanding what was happening.
I expected a certain outcome and didn’t get it. Should those in charge have helped in a more hands on manner? Perhaps. I don’t really know. I suspect that I would have reacted in a similar manner if someone else‘s house had collapsed and I was in their same position. I knew that logically I had no grounds to judge anyone else unless I was willing to judge myself in the same manner.
The puzzling thing to me was that the stuff my husband and I dealt with in our marriage had hurt me much worse than what the church people had done or not done. Why was I having difficulty getting past the seeming non-caring approach of the church? Was I just bitter and angry? I know what that looks and feels like. This was not that. Anxiety plagued me on a daily basis. My husband and I had been very open and honest with a number of people at the church with regards to our marriage issues. When we started hearing that our story was being told by people whom we had never talked to… well, the anxiety escalated to new levels. The presence of gossip caused a myriad of negative emotions inside my mind and heart. I did not feel “safe” going to church. The church that I thought would and should be a place of healing became a place I did not want to be.
My foundations were destroyed 3 years ago. I tried to find stability in my faith as I understood it at that time. My husband and I continued going to church and tried to make sense of the problems we had encountered in our marriage. We found resources online that sent us in the right direction as far as our marriage was concerned. However, the disillusionment that we experienced regarding the church and the lack of support that we thought should be present bothered us. Where was God in all this? Why didn't this work the way we thought it was supposed to? We were both at a loss in understanding what was happening.
I expected a certain outcome and didn’t get it. Should those in charge have helped in a more hands on manner? Perhaps. I don’t really know. I suspect that I would have reacted in a similar manner if someone else‘s house had collapsed and I was in their same position. I knew that logically I had no grounds to judge anyone else unless I was willing to judge myself in the same manner.
The puzzling thing to me was that the stuff my husband and I dealt with in our marriage had hurt me much worse than what the church people had done or not done. Why was I having difficulty getting past the seeming non-caring approach of the church? Was I just bitter and angry? I know what that looks and feels like. This was not that. Anxiety plagued me on a daily basis. My husband and I had been very open and honest with a number of people at the church with regards to our marriage issues. When we started hearing that our story was being told by people whom we had never talked to… well, the anxiety escalated to new levels. The presence of gossip caused a myriad of negative emotions inside my mind and heart. I did not feel “safe” going to church. The church that I thought would and should be a place of healing became a place I did not want to be.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Why do we shoot the wounded?
First, they are no longer useful. The mess they’ve caused in their life as well as others' has marked them. The mark of humanity on them is not valuable when the façade of having all the answers is needed. If the church system is teaching you that your behavior is of utmost importance to your “walk”, the failed, wounded person is not valuable. Their failure reflects on the system. The production of moral people is more important than attending to the hurts of failed ones. Push the failures out of the way and get on with the pretense of success. How else will we get other moralists to support the system.
The second reason we shoot our wounded is that the resources needed to restore them are not available. We don’t know what to do. We see the pain and that makes us feel uneasy. So we do nothing. The wounded either get sicker, die, or, by God’s grace, are able to find a solution on their own.
Thirdly, we judge them. We believe that they shouldn’t have done what they did and therefore they don’t deserve our time or commitment to help. We are put out by their behavior. “How could you?” “You make us all look bad.” “You were supposed to know better.” “Don’t get close to me. I might catch whatever it is that caused you to do such a thing.”
I believe that these three reasons are cultured in the church system of today. For the system to survive, soul care cannot take a prominent position. It takes too much valuable time to tend to the hurts and pains of souls. The programs need to continue.
You can't just go around being human, you know. What do we do with our humanness? In a moralist society we suppress it and tell others to do the same. This produces liars and experts at denial. Denial produces mental instability. There’s got to be a better way!
The second reason we shoot our wounded is that the resources needed to restore them are not available. We don’t know what to do. We see the pain and that makes us feel uneasy. So we do nothing. The wounded either get sicker, die, or, by God’s grace, are able to find a solution on their own.
Thirdly, we judge them. We believe that they shouldn’t have done what they did and therefore they don’t deserve our time or commitment to help. We are put out by their behavior. “How could you?” “You make us all look bad.” “You were supposed to know better.” “Don’t get close to me. I might catch whatever it is that caused you to do such a thing.”
I believe that these three reasons are cultured in the church system of today. For the system to survive, soul care cannot take a prominent position. It takes too much valuable time to tend to the hurts and pains of souls. The programs need to continue.
You can't just go around being human, you know. What do we do with our humanness? In a moralist society we suppress it and tell others to do the same. This produces liars and experts at denial. Denial produces mental instability. There’s got to be a better way!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Scripture
My dependence on other people to study the Bible and disseminate its message is probably one of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life. I know I’m not alone in this. This is what many have done since the organization of “the book”. Through the years religious systems that have employed the use of the Bible have set themselves in a position of either being the only ones having access to the material (such as the Catholic church during the “dark ages”) or as “experts” of the material (such as the clergy/laity separation since the Reformation).
With that said let me make it excruciatingly clear, I do not excuse my lack of diligence. As new believers we start out enthused and excited about our life in Christ. Changes develop in this zealous attitude as we become involved in learning what we should do and what we shouldn’t do in order to maintain this relationship with Christ. We end up doing things for God instead of enjoying what He‘s already done for us. Life in Christ, which is meant to be fulfilling and exciting, becomes routine and matter-of-fact living. Thus Bible reading follows suit. There are reasons for this pattern and the Bible spells them out. (I’ll write about this in a future post.)
I’ve begun to take more seriously the study of the Bible. I'm asking questions such as when and how was it put together, who put it together, what was the criteria for selecting certain writings over other writings, who “canonized” it and why was it canonized. This has become the norm. My initial searching for answers to questions like these has opened my eyes to ideas that I had never considered before.
For instance, what are the “scriptures” according to scripture? This was one of the first things I pondered. Jesus and the apostles of the New Testament all talked about scripture. What were the scriptures in their day?
In Matthew 26:56 in the garden it says, “But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled...” Jesus appeared to the disciples after His resurrection and it says in Luke 24:27, “And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.” And again after His resurrection in Luke 24:44-45 Jesus said... “‘These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.’ And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.”
Jesus said that the Law of Moses, the Prophets, and the Psalms were the Scriptures. During the time that the apostles wrote about the scriptures, their own writings had not yet been included in a book called the Bible which consists today of Old and New Testament writings. Their scriptures had to be the same as Jesus'.
A second matter that I discovered was that the writings of Paul the apostle and the writings of the apostles of Jesus had different views about what the Gospel was. This definitely needs expounding.
Thirdly, reading the words of Jesus makes me ask questions like, Who was He talking to? Was it me? Was it the religious folk of his day? Was it the disciples following Him in that day? All of these are true. Each statement needs to be seen in its context though. The thing to remember is that He had not yet been crucified. He had not yet died for the sin of the world. He was living in the time when the Law was still in effect. The Law was fulfilled, however, when Jesus died on the Cross. Colossians 2:14 states… “Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross…”
All of these things have caused me to see Scripture in a new light. It has created in me an interest to learn and an appreciation for what Father and Son conspired to do for us before creation began… a plan for the human race to be made whole again, successfully accomplished 2,000 years ago through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.
With that said let me make it excruciatingly clear, I do not excuse my lack of diligence. As new believers we start out enthused and excited about our life in Christ. Changes develop in this zealous attitude as we become involved in learning what we should do and what we shouldn’t do in order to maintain this relationship with Christ. We end up doing things for God instead of enjoying what He‘s already done for us. Life in Christ, which is meant to be fulfilling and exciting, becomes routine and matter-of-fact living. Thus Bible reading follows suit. There are reasons for this pattern and the Bible spells them out. (I’ll write about this in a future post.)
I’ve begun to take more seriously the study of the Bible. I'm asking questions such as when and how was it put together, who put it together, what was the criteria for selecting certain writings over other writings, who “canonized” it and why was it canonized. This has become the norm. My initial searching for answers to questions like these has opened my eyes to ideas that I had never considered before.
For instance, what are the “scriptures” according to scripture? This was one of the first things I pondered. Jesus and the apostles of the New Testament all talked about scripture. What were the scriptures in their day?
In Matthew 26:56 in the garden it says, “But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled...” Jesus appeared to the disciples after His resurrection and it says in Luke 24:27, “And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.” And again after His resurrection in Luke 24:44-45 Jesus said... “‘These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.’ And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.”
Jesus said that the Law of Moses, the Prophets, and the Psalms were the Scriptures. During the time that the apostles wrote about the scriptures, their own writings had not yet been included in a book called the Bible which consists today of Old and New Testament writings. Their scriptures had to be the same as Jesus'.
A second matter that I discovered was that the writings of Paul the apostle and the writings of the apostles of Jesus had different views about what the Gospel was. This definitely needs expounding.
Thirdly, reading the words of Jesus makes me ask questions like, Who was He talking to? Was it me? Was it the religious folk of his day? Was it the disciples following Him in that day? All of these are true. Each statement needs to be seen in its context though. The thing to remember is that He had not yet been crucified. He had not yet died for the sin of the world. He was living in the time when the Law was still in effect. The Law was fulfilled, however, when Jesus died on the Cross. Colossians 2:14 states… “Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross…”
All of these things have caused me to see Scripture in a new light. It has created in me an interest to learn and an appreciation for what Father and Son conspired to do for us before creation began… a plan for the human race to be made whole again, successfully accomplished 2,000 years ago through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
an imagined god
Who is God to you? Is he real or is he imagined?
Religion created an imagined god inside me. I didn’t need to personalize him as long as I did the things I was supposed to do as a good Christian. It was about “doing” in order to maintain acceptance in the group. This kept me in a shallow, safe place in relation to others. There was little or no risk involved. It wasn’t until I needed Him that I realized what I had done and that my image of Him was not sufficient to get me out of my mess.
The image I had of God was not real. Dictionary.com has as it’s 12th definition for the word image… “an idol or representation of a deity”. Now that sounds to me like the breaking of one of the 10 Commandments, doesn’t it? Idols are unacceptable, right? Get rid of the idol, right? God wiped the slate clean and started over. Actually He restarted me like a computer needs restarting to clean up corrupted files.
This was His doing. The journey I’m on is the one He's designed. None of us would have gotten to where we are without going through our stuff. This is good. This is God’s doing.
Religion created an imagined god inside me. I didn’t need to personalize him as long as I did the things I was supposed to do as a good Christian. It was about “doing” in order to maintain acceptance in the group. This kept me in a shallow, safe place in relation to others. There was little or no risk involved. It wasn’t until I needed Him that I realized what I had done and that my image of Him was not sufficient to get me out of my mess.
The image I had of God was not real. Dictionary.com has as it’s 12th definition for the word image… “an idol or representation of a deity”. Now that sounds to me like the breaking of one of the 10 Commandments, doesn’t it? Idols are unacceptable, right? Get rid of the idol, right? God wiped the slate clean and started over. Actually He restarted me like a computer needs restarting to clean up corrupted files.
This was His doing. The journey I’m on is the one He's designed. None of us would have gotten to where we are without going through our stuff. This is good. This is God’s doing.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Love and Acceptance
All of mankind possesses an innate need to be loved and accepted by God. The garden in Genesis is where this was first experienced and it was there that it was severed. Adam, Eve, snake, tree… yeah, that. Mankind has been striving ever since to find ways to get back to God. The methods of reconnection seem innumerable. Man doesn’t even know most of the time that that is what he‘s trying to do.
God is the only one who can truly meet this need for love and acceptance. When we were children our parents became the source for the meeting of these needs. Many parents are great at loving their children. Most are not. Thus we develop methods that are meant to make us feel loved and accepted. I’ve heard these methods described as survival strategies. Many times these strategies don’t work and we realize they will never work, so we convince ourselves that we don‘t even have the need and we say things to ourselves like, “I don‘t need to feel loved”, “I don’t need anyone else”, “Since God seems to not care, why should I?”. We become survivors in our own minds. We internally declare self-sufficiency. What we are really doing is shutting ourselves off from life… the life that God intends for us.
Over the years my own techniques for survival have proven themselves a failure. Continuing these strategies into adulthood after salvation almost destroyed me. One of these strategies was to hide emotionally. I wouldn't show my true feelings. This was developed from a combination of learned survival strategies as a child and a belief that Christians aren’t supposed to show that they have problems. Religion taught me I needed to perform properly to be loved and accepted by the Christians around me. When my life fell apart three years ago, I failed to understand what was happening in all the grief I was experiencing. Faith broke down.
Previous to disaster, I was half-living, half-dying. I was not honest with myself, with those around me, or with God. This dishonesty was blasted away, however, and I was forced to confront the person hiding inside me. I was forced to be honest with myself, God, and those I loved. The beliefs I held concerning God were obliterated. I am thankful for that. I started on a journey of restoration that has been quite unpleasant at times. It has been and still is to some degree the ultimate “desert” experience. It's been amazing. Allow me to digress for a bit.
When I became a Christian at the age of 17, I accepted Christ by faith and was saved by His grace. In Ephesians 2:8,9 Paul wrote, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” I knew I had become a new creature II Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I not only felt new inside, I acted new outside.
Even though my salvation didn’t come by my own works, it didn’t take long before I began working to grow my new life in Christ. It was about then that the shine wore off. I had begun by grace and subtly slipped into thinking that I needed to maintain the relationship with Him by doing things that made Him seem (feel) close to me. I had no idea that I was doing “works” by trying to gain my sanctification (moving towards perfection). I was told by religion to do a number of things in order to work out my salvation, such as attend church, read my Bible, pray, witness to others, love others, etc. I wasn’t very good at doing most of these things. Even though I rarely missed a Sunday meeting time, I did not read my Bible regularly or perform any number of other things that I was supposed to do. I felt I wasn’t a very good Christian. I knew I was saved but I didn't seem to measure up.
After years and years of trying I still felt mediocre in my performance, and also in my relationship with God. It did not feel like He was very close to me. I couldn’t say that I felt love for Him. I tried not to think about it too much. Who knows where this could lead a person, right? Questioning and all that. I spent years in this pattern… many years… doing for God but never really feeling loved and accepted. Religion (or perhaps legalism) taught me that if I obeyed the rules I would please Him and everything would be alright in the end. Besides I didn’t esteem myself too important a person. I went along to get along.
It had to all break down eventually don‘t you think. I became lukewarm in my relationship with God. I did just enough to get by, all the time with no “victory” in life. The “abundant life” was not happening in me and quite frankly I saw very little of it in others around me. This happened over the course of somewhere between 10-15 years.
The process of restoration was set in motion over three years ago. One of the first things God showed me was that He wanted to show His love to me. This was a huge step for me. I didn’t know His love. Gradually He began showing me, through writers of books and the internet, how it is that He loves. A book entitled He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen helped me a lot. It was simple and to the point. It took me back to my early foundations in Christ and slowly my spiritual house was being built up again. But it wasn’t the same house. It couldn’t be the same house. I didn’t want the same house.
Father began showing me that He was not who I thought He was. He showed me that He wasn't religious or a legalist. I had never thought in my mind that He was religious or a legalist but the life I was living proved otherwise. My self imposed obligation system made Him into a legalist. In the Old Testament, God knew that the Israelites wouldn’t be able to obey all the Law. His purpose in the law was for His people to turn to Him in their failure and for them to realize they would never fulfill the law. They could never work their way to God and earn His love and acceptance. I was attempting to do the same thing. It took two of the three years in the restoration process to get me to this point… the end of myself. So… I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped trying to protect myself from hurt. Experience proved to me that all my efforts couldn’t keep me safe regardless of my actions.
What did I miss the first time around? I believe, as Christians, we are meant to allow God to perfect us. It’s a process. It’s referred to as “working out our salvation“. Philippians 2:12-13 says, “…work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” Notice that God is the one doing the willing and the working in us for His good pleasure. We don’t do it ourselves. We don’t know how to. God does it in us. This is a gift just as salvation is a gift. We allow the process and cooperate with Father in it. If we try to do it in our own strength, to perfect ourselves, we will fail. This is what I tried to do. I thought it was up to me.
How does it work? Romans 6:10,11 says, “For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus." I Corinthians 15:31 says, “…I die daily.“ Galatians 2:20 is the verse that opened my understanding more than any other verse, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” My old nature is dead. Not my body, not my flesh. The “old man of sin” is dead. I am a brand new person. I do live a life in the flesh, but I live it by the faith of Jesus. My body was not renewed. That is where sanctification comes in.
There are changes that Father wants to work in me. My job is to simply live by faith believing that He will do it. Philippians 1:6 says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." He that started the work, perfects and finishes the work. Faith is trusting. Trusting comes from loving. Loving comes from Father. John 13:34 states, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." It is His love in me that loves others. I don't have agape love outside of Him.
Survival strategies are being replaced by faith. I don’t need them. Because my body has not been renewed yet, there remains flesh patterns in my physical brain and my physical body. Trusting Him to fix me is the key. Believing that He will do what He says takes all the pressure off of me. I’m free to be the person He created me to be. Living life through Him is so totally liberating. Father designs us distinct from all others and desires to live His life through us as His original creation.
I know that Father loves me. He accepts me. I sense His nearness. I’m learning to recognize the still small voice in this relationship with me that He has so graciously begun again.
God is the only one who can truly meet this need for love and acceptance. When we were children our parents became the source for the meeting of these needs. Many parents are great at loving their children. Most are not. Thus we develop methods that are meant to make us feel loved and accepted. I’ve heard these methods described as survival strategies. Many times these strategies don’t work and we realize they will never work, so we convince ourselves that we don‘t even have the need and we say things to ourselves like, “I don‘t need to feel loved”, “I don’t need anyone else”, “Since God seems to not care, why should I?”. We become survivors in our own minds. We internally declare self-sufficiency. What we are really doing is shutting ourselves off from life… the life that God intends for us.
Over the years my own techniques for survival have proven themselves a failure. Continuing these strategies into adulthood after salvation almost destroyed me. One of these strategies was to hide emotionally. I wouldn't show my true feelings. This was developed from a combination of learned survival strategies as a child and a belief that Christians aren’t supposed to show that they have problems. Religion taught me I needed to perform properly to be loved and accepted by the Christians around me. When my life fell apart three years ago, I failed to understand what was happening in all the grief I was experiencing. Faith broke down.
Previous to disaster, I was half-living, half-dying. I was not honest with myself, with those around me, or with God. This dishonesty was blasted away, however, and I was forced to confront the person hiding inside me. I was forced to be honest with myself, God, and those I loved. The beliefs I held concerning God were obliterated. I am thankful for that. I started on a journey of restoration that has been quite unpleasant at times. It has been and still is to some degree the ultimate “desert” experience. It's been amazing. Allow me to digress for a bit.
When I became a Christian at the age of 17, I accepted Christ by faith and was saved by His grace. In Ephesians 2:8,9 Paul wrote, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” I knew I had become a new creature II Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I not only felt new inside, I acted new outside.
Even though my salvation didn’t come by my own works, it didn’t take long before I began working to grow my new life in Christ. It was about then that the shine wore off. I had begun by grace and subtly slipped into thinking that I needed to maintain the relationship with Him by doing things that made Him seem (feel) close to me. I had no idea that I was doing “works” by trying to gain my sanctification (moving towards perfection). I was told by religion to do a number of things in order to work out my salvation, such as attend church, read my Bible, pray, witness to others, love others, etc. I wasn’t very good at doing most of these things. Even though I rarely missed a Sunday meeting time, I did not read my Bible regularly or perform any number of other things that I was supposed to do. I felt I wasn’t a very good Christian. I knew I was saved but I didn't seem to measure up.
After years and years of trying I still felt mediocre in my performance, and also in my relationship with God. It did not feel like He was very close to me. I couldn’t say that I felt love for Him. I tried not to think about it too much. Who knows where this could lead a person, right? Questioning and all that. I spent years in this pattern… many years… doing for God but never really feeling loved and accepted. Religion (or perhaps legalism) taught me that if I obeyed the rules I would please Him and everything would be alright in the end. Besides I didn’t esteem myself too important a person. I went along to get along.
It had to all break down eventually don‘t you think. I became lukewarm in my relationship with God. I did just enough to get by, all the time with no “victory” in life. The “abundant life” was not happening in me and quite frankly I saw very little of it in others around me. This happened over the course of somewhere between 10-15 years.
The process of restoration was set in motion over three years ago. One of the first things God showed me was that He wanted to show His love to me. This was a huge step for me. I didn’t know His love. Gradually He began showing me, through writers of books and the internet, how it is that He loves. A book entitled He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen helped me a lot. It was simple and to the point. It took me back to my early foundations in Christ and slowly my spiritual house was being built up again. But it wasn’t the same house. It couldn’t be the same house. I didn’t want the same house.
Father began showing me that He was not who I thought He was. He showed me that He wasn't religious or a legalist. I had never thought in my mind that He was religious or a legalist but the life I was living proved otherwise. My self imposed obligation system made Him into a legalist. In the Old Testament, God knew that the Israelites wouldn’t be able to obey all the Law. His purpose in the law was for His people to turn to Him in their failure and for them to realize they would never fulfill the law. They could never work their way to God and earn His love and acceptance. I was attempting to do the same thing. It took two of the three years in the restoration process to get me to this point… the end of myself. So… I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped trying to protect myself from hurt. Experience proved to me that all my efforts couldn’t keep me safe regardless of my actions.
What did I miss the first time around? I believe, as Christians, we are meant to allow God to perfect us. It’s a process. It’s referred to as “working out our salvation“. Philippians 2:12-13 says, “…work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” Notice that God is the one doing the willing and the working in us for His good pleasure. We don’t do it ourselves. We don’t know how to. God does it in us. This is a gift just as salvation is a gift. We allow the process and cooperate with Father in it. If we try to do it in our own strength, to perfect ourselves, we will fail. This is what I tried to do. I thought it was up to me.
How does it work? Romans 6:10,11 says, “For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus." I Corinthians 15:31 says, “…I die daily.“ Galatians 2:20 is the verse that opened my understanding more than any other verse, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” My old nature is dead. Not my body, not my flesh. The “old man of sin” is dead. I am a brand new person. I do live a life in the flesh, but I live it by the faith of Jesus. My body was not renewed. That is where sanctification comes in.
There are changes that Father wants to work in me. My job is to simply live by faith believing that He will do it. Philippians 1:6 says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." He that started the work, perfects and finishes the work. Faith is trusting. Trusting comes from loving. Loving comes from Father. John 13:34 states, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." It is His love in me that loves others. I don't have agape love outside of Him.
Survival strategies are being replaced by faith. I don’t need them. Because my body has not been renewed yet, there remains flesh patterns in my physical brain and my physical body. Trusting Him to fix me is the key. Believing that He will do what He says takes all the pressure off of me. I’m free to be the person He created me to be. Living life through Him is so totally liberating. Father designs us distinct from all others and desires to live His life through us as His original creation.
I know that Father loves me. He accepts me. I sense His nearness. I’m learning to recognize the still small voice in this relationship with me that He has so graciously begun again.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Expectation vs Expectancy
Religion produces expectation
Relationship produces expectancy
Relationship produces expectancy
Years of my life were spent in a religious system that taught me to expect certain results from God according to my behavior. It was never said in a way that made me think I was manipulating God, but that is what resulted. I never thought "hmmm, I'm going to manipulate God today to get such and such". If it was that obvious I'd have seen it. It was much more subtle.
In my heart and mind, performance created acceptance from God. I walked believing that my actions made me right with God. What I did in the institutional church made me acceptable to God and His people. Well, maybe it was true regarding His people, but it is not so with God.
Ephesians 1:6 says... “to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.” He freely has bestowed grace on us and accepts us "in the beloved" because we are in Christ, not because of any works we produce.
By thinking that I needed to do things to be accepted, I felt obligated to perform. This created a false security in my relationship with God. Because I seemingly did all the right things (such as attended church, raised my children in church, did tasks in church in order to "do my part", and did not cause waves by openly disagreeing with how church happens, etc).... I followed the rules.
The expectation that I was somehow "protected" from bad things happening to me or my family proved to be a false belief system which collapsed in on top of me. When my marriage became threatened by forces I could not control, my life disintegrated before my eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen to people who were sincerely serving God. To say I was disillusioned at that point would be an understatement.
False beliefs do not produce intimacy with God. Jesus said He was The Truth. Believing lies about God produced in me a complacency that grew over years. It did the same in my husband. When we crashed and burned, we were set on a course by God that was meant for us to recover His heart and love. A living relationship with Him.
I’m now beginning to learn to live in expectancy. What new truth does He have for me? What new understanding does He have for me to know He’s working inside of me, that He’s renewing my mind daily and teaching me that His Way far exceeds my way.
Freedom in the Spirit has never been more real. Freedom to be who He made me to be. If He lives inside me, which I believe He does, then He is able to live His life through me. That creates expectancy. The future is not regulated and dictated. I believe He wants me to live in His faith and move forward. Releasing my expectations of how life should be has freed me to live. Every day is new.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Alive Again to God
Yesterday my husband and I went to a gathering of believers here in town. I’ve never been to this gathering before. It was like a beehive when we arrived. After walking around for a short while we figured out where the adults were supposed to be. After everything was said and done, I felt like I had witnessed a motivational talk on how to act as a Christian.
This really was no different than all the other gatherings we’ve visited in the past year. The liturgy was consistent. The order goes something like this: 1) pray for God to come and be a part of the service; 2) stand; 3) sing; 4) sit; 5) give your money to God (so the bills that make the building work can be paid); 6) listen to a motivational talk which tells you how to behave as a Christian; 7) stand; 8) pray in closing and ask God to grow the message into our hearts; 9) leave the building and find your car.
For years I went through this routine believing that I was doing God’s will. Yet I could never be sure because the system I submitted myself to was continually between God and me. It became a substitute to a personal, living relationship with my Father. I didn’t know it at the time. If I had known it, my life may have taken a different turn than the one it did. Thus after many years of following this pattern, my first love grew cold. Disconnected from God, I remember thinking a number of times in recent years before the crisis, “Is this all there is to serving God?”.
After hearing a message like we heard yesterday, in previous years, I would have felt guilty for thinking that I couldn’t possibly fulfill what the preacher was saying, no matter what the subject matter. I would try. At least for a while. Eventually I would give up and relent to unbelief. Unbelief is so destructive. It robs of all that Father has for us to be and do, in that order.
Now I’m beginning to see what went wrong. My trying is not what God wants. He wants me to rest. Abiding in Him must be the first thing. Loving Him and having a consciousness of Him inside me is what’s different now. I truly feel alive in Him again, as from the dead. Only God knows what's ahead for us.
This really was no different than all the other gatherings we’ve visited in the past year. The liturgy was consistent. The order goes something like this: 1) pray for God to come and be a part of the service; 2) stand; 3) sing; 4) sit; 5) give your money to God (so the bills that make the building work can be paid); 6) listen to a motivational talk which tells you how to behave as a Christian; 7) stand; 8) pray in closing and ask God to grow the message into our hearts; 9) leave the building and find your car.
For years I went through this routine believing that I was doing God’s will. Yet I could never be sure because the system I submitted myself to was continually between God and me. It became a substitute to a personal, living relationship with my Father. I didn’t know it at the time. If I had known it, my life may have taken a different turn than the one it did. Thus after many years of following this pattern, my first love grew cold. Disconnected from God, I remember thinking a number of times in recent years before the crisis, “Is this all there is to serving God?”.
After hearing a message like we heard yesterday, in previous years, I would have felt guilty for thinking that I couldn’t possibly fulfill what the preacher was saying, no matter what the subject matter. I would try. At least for a while. Eventually I would give up and relent to unbelief. Unbelief is so destructive. It robs of all that Father has for us to be and do, in that order.
Now I’m beginning to see what went wrong. My trying is not what God wants. He wants me to rest. Abiding in Him must be the first thing. Loving Him and having a consciousness of Him inside me is what’s different now. I truly feel alive in Him again, as from the dead. Only God knows what's ahead for us.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
The Shack
Here's a book that will challenge you. It gives you a chance to see God in ways you've never thought before. Check it out here. After reading the first chapter online I knew I had to get the book. I've read it twice... one of those times was with my husband. Now he's reading it again. The friend I recommended it to is also on her second time through.
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