Mummification - Part 1

I’m going to make an attempt to describe what happened to me emotionally and mentally over the past 30+ years. I used the word “mummify” in a conversation with my husband recently. It seemed to identify so succinctly what religion had produced in my life.

I used to believe that God was displeased with me whenever my behavior fell below an unseen line of acceptability. In the same manner I thought that God was pleased when I measured up to His standards put forth in the Bible. I would feel guilty or ashamed when I failed. Conversely, I would feel pretty good about myself when I succeeded. Not only did God have these standards for me to keep but I also had to keep a posture with the church people that indicated I had my act together. I had to act right for God and them too.

This created a false me. It created responses that were not true to my heart. I felt condemned at times and didn’t think highly of my ability to carry through on some of the behavioral requirements for a good Christian. When I did achieve it caused a “good for me” attitude, which also was not my true self. Over time, layer upon layer of fakery smothered my soul.

This is much like what happens to a mummy. The mummification process in ancient Egypt was the way a deceased person’s body was embalmed and wrapped. The abdomen cavity was emptied and dried. The organs, which had been removed, were also dried and put back into the body. Even the cloths used in the drying process were put inside to make the body look like its normal proportions. The outside was prepared with oils to keep the skin elastic. A final application of good smelling oil was made just prior to wrapping.

The wrapping process began with the head and neck. Then the fingers, toes, arms, and legs were wrapped. Between each layer trinkets or charms were placed to protect the dead person from evil spells or actions. A priest read spells out loud while the body was being wrapped. These spells were to ward off evil spirits and to help the deceased pass to the afterlife.

When the wrapping was complete, the body was placed inside a coffin and that coffin inside another coffin. The ancient Egyptians believed that the deceased must then pass through the underworld on its way to the afterlife. There his heart was to be judged by his good deeds on earth. If his heart was found to be pure he would live for all eternity in the beautiful “Field of Reeds”.

After years of guilt, shame, fear, and false security, I lost my ability to think and feel in healthy ways. I lived my life thinking that my feelings were not important. My opinions about how things were to be done also were not important. Emotionally and mentally I shrunk. My strength of mind and heart diminished.

It seemed that God had checked out of the process also. This happened gradually. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and thought that God had disappeared. I simply was not aware of what had happened to me over time. I knew that I wasn’t happy and that my life was empty. Any evidence of spiritual fruit was nonexistent. At least that was my perception. I had unknowingly declared fruit bankruptcy and stopped trying to please God. About this same time I got slammed into a wall.

This “wall” incident was the end of the road to my Law keeping ways. Why do I say Law keeping? I thought my behavior mattered to God. I thought that he would not and could not accept me unless I acted in the right, good Christian way. This meant being filled with the Spirit and having all the right fruit flowing out of me. I believed in cause and effect religion. If I didn’t perform properly, I was doomed. If I performed right, I’d be blessed and problems would be avoided in life. Obviously this did not work. The wall proved it.

My life was kick started into survival mode. It was the beginning of me recovering my soul. I was right where I needed to be... empty and finished with my ways.

Read Part 2…