Last week I attended a gathering of some women whom I have known for quite a number of years. The common denominator that brought us together was the fact that each of us at some point in the past had taken on the task of educating our children at home. We knew each other from that venue. It was a get-together at one of the lady’s homes basically set up so she could introduce and sell a product to earn extra income for her family.
After arriving we mingled and showed pictures of our families. We caught up on our lives and those of our children, where they were, what they were doing, and that sort of thing. During the course of conversation around a table set with food, we started talking about some of those we knew who were not present. Understandably we wanted to know how different ones were doing now.
It didn’t take long before someone mentioned a mom who had changed her life and the way she looked. This person now had an office job and was wearing clothing that was totally different from what she had previously worn. Instead of the high collar, no skin showing person, she now was wearing fashionable clothes, looking “very good”, and drawing the extra attention of men in the office in which she was working.
Even though I made a comment something to the effect like "good for her", trying to stand in for her defense I suppose, I was bothered by the use of innuendo and insinuation that the teller used when speaking of this woman. It was clearly gossip. What business was it of any of us how this woman now dressed much less know that men were noticing her at work? I doubt if she was a personal friend of anyone in the room and yet several present thought talking about her in this manner was okay.
There was a time not too long ago I found out that my family was being talked about. It caused hurt, anxiety, anger, and suspicion just to mention a few emotions created by this injustice of gossip. The source of the gossip came from someone inside our church, the only place such knowledge existed. This was one reason for us leaving the church meeting place, though not the only one. The mental and emotional distress I experienced when going to “church” was very difficult to deal with. The oppressive invisible force always present, I had no resources at the time to fight it. If that was even something that could be done, I don't know. When we left, I suppose you could say the gossips won.
I think that gossip is typical of some religious people. It seems that it is a product of judgment. Judgment is that which is passed by the religious ones against those who fall from the Christian standard of acceptability. Why is gossip so prevalent in the religious church setting? Could belief in keeping the Law have anything to do with this?
If someone lives under the Law, they experience guilt and shame on a regular basis. When a Law person sees someone stumble and fall, their own sense of guilt and shame causes them to feel the need to expose the other (the sinner). They need to make what the other person did seem much worse than anything they may have ever done or thought of doing, thus alleviating their own feelings of guilt or shame.
When I was a child I was constantly chided and made to feel worthless by my alcoholic father. I think it was his way of alleviating his own feelings of worthlessness. This somehow makes twisted sense to me.
Judgment was the default in my life before I became aware of God’s grace. It wasn’t until I realized I desperately needed God’s grace that I became a recipient of it. How could I receive something until I was aware I even needed it. My admission of failure and weakness caused me to begin to see all humans as equally in need. All of mankind is on equal footing when it comes to God. He knows us. We don’t know Him.
Gossip kills. It kills hearts and minds. It kills relationships. It kills like the Law kills. Grace is the soil from which love grows. We all need more realization of our desperate need for God and less self sufficient and self righteous attitudes. The two definitely do not mix.
Seeing all as equally needy will create compassion and camaraderie toward others, not judgment and criticism.
