Retrospection… part 1

I started this blog last December 2007 hoping to capture some of my journey and put it in a form that might be productive to not only me but others. The learning process is fluid. Much has happened in the last two months which has helped me understand more clearly still what took place. These next four posts are a synopsis of my journey to date. These won’t conclude my writing on this issue but I do want to scale back and begin looking at other subjects. So this is the first of four…


My foundations were destroyed 3 years ago. I tried to find stability in my faith as I understood it at that time. My husband and I continued going to church and tried to make sense of the problems we had encountered in our marriage. We found resources online that sent us in the right direction as far as our marriage was concerned. However, the disillusionment that we experienced regarding the church and the lack of support that we thought should be present bothered us. Where was God in all this? Why didn't this work the way we thought it was supposed to? We were both at a loss in understanding what was happening.

I expected a certain outcome and didn’t get it. Should those in charge have helped in a more hands on manner? Perhaps. I don’t really know. I suspect that I would have reacted in a similar manner if someone else‘s house had collapsed and I was in their same position. I knew that logically I had no grounds to judge anyone else unless I was willing to judge myself in the same manner.

The puzzling thing to me was that the stuff my husband and I dealt with in our marriage had hurt me much worse than what the church people had done or not done. Why was I having difficulty getting past the seeming non-caring approach of the church? Was I just bitter and angry? I know what that looks and feels like. This was not that. Anxiety plagued me on a daily basis. My husband and I had been very open and honest with a number of people at the church with regards to our marriage issues. When we started hearing that our story was being told by people whom we had never talked to… well, the anxiety escalated to new levels. The presence of gossip caused a myriad of negative emotions inside my mind and heart. I did not feel “safe” going to church. The church that I thought would and should be a place of healing became a place I did not want to be.