Retrospection… part 4

This writing is preceded by three posts which can be read...
part 1
part 2
part 3

During this period of seeking, one Bible verse consistently showed up. Galatians 2:20: “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

What is being “crucified with Christ” supposed to look like and yet still be alive? What does this mean? My seeking continued to take me to places where grace was talked about. What is this grace? Unmerited favor is the definition I was familiar with. I came to understand that favor with God means that He is pleased with me. There is nothing I can do to enhance or destroy the way God sees me. Doesn’t sin disqualify me from it? Is my sin stronger than Jesus and what He accomplished at the Cross? No, I think not. We cannot undo what Jesus did. It’s that simple. He paid the ransom price one time for all people. This spells FREEDOM!

Falling from grace, according to the Bible, can happen. It happens when we think we can gain God’s favor by what we do or don’t do. If we think our deeds or attitudes can separate us from or join us to God, we nullify grace. We say that the power of the blood of Jesus is not strong enough to overcome our works of self righteousness. The reality, however, is that the blood of Jesus is not only strong enough to overcome our deeds, but He did it for the whole world without anyone's permission.

One of the first things that clicked in my understanding was that my dependence was to be on Him, not myself. Dependence on myself created self-righteousness. This created expectations of others. I expected the church people to act differently. I placed expectations on them that God never did. After realizing that those expectations were wrong, I released them. Almost overnight, the anxiety that I had been experiencing stopped.

The disillusionment that I experienced was only possible because I had an illusion. My understanding of how God saw me was an illusion. I thought His judgment was still around the corner. I thought that Old Covenant principles still applied to today. (I didn’t really believe this, if you would have asked me. But I lived it regardless.) The Cross of Christ brought in a New Covenant. The belief system I had a year ago, has been mostly overthrown and replaced by grace and peace. It’s not even a system anymore. The religious life I had before has been replaced by a real life. A life that doesn’t bury me alive. A life that allows for my humanity. A life that I believe God intended me to live.