It’s time for change. I’ve thought for quite some time now that I wanted to start another blog. Restoring Love has been a “restorative” experience for me. I’ve written things here that I probably never would have spoken out loud to another person other than my husband and a very few select others. Expressions of disillusionment, regret, anger, joy, peace, and hope are found here. I’ve been as honest as I know how to be. It’s been a place to which few have been invited primarily due to my own comfort level of exposure. I thank all who have read and participated in this adventure with me.
I’m in a different place now. I want the freedom to invite one and all to a new blog that I‘ve been mulling over in my mind. As soon as it is up and running I’ll post the link on this page.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
embrace doubt
Last week I heard Mike Williams say,
Eventually the time came when I was ready to reconnect with God. Certainly I had never been disconnected but my perceptions were that I was far from God and He from me. My entire “belief system” had to be reconfigured. I gave myself the freedom to doubt many concepts that I had previously accepted as truths.
Mike also said,
Any relationship established under threat is not founded on love but fear. My foundational beliefs were based in fear. On top of that I attended churches that mixed law and grace for my entire Christian life. Because grace is nullified by the keeping of one law, I had only a concept of grace and love. Understanding the Gospel message, perhaps for the first time, has brought incredible freedom and peace to me.
“Embracing doubt is more powerful than embracing belief. The freedom to doubt is the power to believe.”About four years back I came to a place of letting go of most of my beliefs about God and religion. Because of the devastating nature of the circumstances I faced at the time, doubt just happened. It wasn‘t really a decision. I had no energy to consciously deal with the condition of my spirituality at the time.
Eventually the time came when I was ready to reconnect with God. Certainly I had never been disconnected but my perceptions were that I was far from God and He from me. My entire “belief system” had to be reconfigured. I gave myself the freedom to doubt many concepts that I had previously accepted as truths.
Mike also said,
“If we don’t embrace our doubts, we don’t truly believe anything. Walk into the arena of unbelief and embrace it.”This is what I’ve done in the last two years... questioning anything and everything. I’ve been willing to embrace unbelief and allow myself to explore what it is that God has done and what it is that I really believe, separate from the threat of hell. The reason I accepted Christ as a teenager was to escape hell. I did not want to be separated from my friends for eternity.
Any relationship established under threat is not founded on love but fear. My foundational beliefs were based in fear. On top of that I attended churches that mixed law and grace for my entire Christian life. Because grace is nullified by the keeping of one law, I had only a concept of grace and love. Understanding the Gospel message, perhaps for the first time, has brought incredible freedom and peace to me.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Unasked Questions
“One of the moral diseases we communicate to one another in society comes from huddling together in the pale light of an insufficient answer to a question we were afraid to ask.” ~Thomas Merton
Most all of my life as a Christian I have had questions and have been afraid to ask them. Several years back I decided “NO MORE”! My life had to work if I was going to stick around. No longer was I going to “go along to get along”. If there was a way to live this life with God, I was going to find it. Otherwise… I don’t know what the otherwise would have been. I never got there.
Getting to the place of “giving up” was the best thing for me. I read this post by Stacey Robbins over at the Free Believers website and thought it described my journey so well. Take a few minutes and ponder her words. I respect her honesty.
for a new beginning
For a New Beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~ John O'Donohue
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~ John O'Donohue
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Behavior and The Gospel
The evangelical church today is very concerned with behavior. The behavior of their children, themselves, and mostly everyone else, especially homosexuals. (Yes, I saw the Oprah interview with Ted Haggard… fascinating!!)
Our human behavior can be traced to the fact that we are human and our environment is filled with other humans. The connection between our humanity and God is not something we can fix. It’s up to Him. And He did something about it, don’t worry. He perfected us at the Cross. Are we then perfect? Yes, as far as our spiritual being is concerned we are perfect. I don't believe our humanity separates us from Him. Our mindsets may separate us more than anything. The teachings of religion separate us by telling us our humanity should be thus and so. So we tell each other it should be thus and so. We then make judgments upon judgments that cause people to hide their humanity (or not) and personal worth is lost. This is why we need the Gospel.
The Gospel, being mysterious and working through a power called love, will produce whatever salvation our soul requires. How love works is difficult to explain. If behaviors need changing, I think love can do that. This is how it has worked in me and how I've seen it work in those close to me. When we truly recognize that we are hurting ourselves or others through our actions, we can work at changing our behavior. If our behavior is not hurting anyone, what's the problem? God's not offended or shocked.
Scripture says that He would be "satisfied when He sees the suffering" of the sacrifice.
God's not angry. He's not judging anymore. He's perfected us through Jesus. This is what the Gospel is... the good news. That's why Jesus told the disciples to "Go". This "good news" brings a salvation that produces a freedom which is inexplicable. Just don't go throwing in requirements to maintain it (church attendance, bible reading, etc.) The freedom then quickly fades. That has been my experience.
Our human behavior can be traced to the fact that we are human and our environment is filled with other humans. The connection between our humanity and God is not something we can fix. It’s up to Him. And He did something about it, don’t worry. He perfected us at the Cross. Are we then perfect? Yes, as far as our spiritual being is concerned we are perfect. I don't believe our humanity separates us from Him. Our mindsets may separate us more than anything. The teachings of religion separate us by telling us our humanity should be thus and so. So we tell each other it should be thus and so. We then make judgments upon judgments that cause people to hide their humanity (or not) and personal worth is lost. This is why we need the Gospel.
The Gospel, being mysterious and working through a power called love, will produce whatever salvation our soul requires. How love works is difficult to explain. If behaviors need changing, I think love can do that. This is how it has worked in me and how I've seen it work in those close to me. When we truly recognize that we are hurting ourselves or others through our actions, we can work at changing our behavior. If our behavior is not hurting anyone, what's the problem? God's not offended or shocked.
Scripture says that He would be "satisfied when He sees the suffering" of the sacrifice.
"He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities." Isaiah 53:11
God's not angry. He's not judging anymore. He's perfected us through Jesus. This is what the Gospel is... the good news. That's why Jesus told the disciples to "Go". This "good news" brings a salvation that produces a freedom which is inexplicable. Just don't go throwing in requirements to maintain it (church attendance, bible reading, etc.) The freedom then quickly fades. That has been my experience.
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