Break the Rules

Jim Palmer of Divine Nobodies posted at his blog several days ago a list of rules that he broke when he was in religion which he now is glad he broke. A few stood out to me that I'd like to comment on.

"Assume that everything you’ve been told or currently know is all there is to truth and anything refuting it must be wrong. In other words, you’ve arrived with virtually nothing left to learn except for trying harder with what you already know."

I believed this. It produced a life that became stale, mundane, and without vitality. Deep down inside I felt that what I had built regarding "belief" didn't work. The "abundant life" that was supposedly afforded to the believer was nowhere to be found. What I had been told over the course of many years turned out to be built on false assumptions. Anyone believing they have learned it all or have come close to that height is certainly one of the more self-righteous persons around. That was me. The extent of my knowledge I see today as small. There is so much more that I don’t understand, that I don‘t get. This fact is liberating.

"If you keep applying the same formula or beliefs and it doesn’t produce the result it promised, assume the problem is you."

I certainly believed that I was the problem. Weekly berating sessions by professional clergy wore me out. I felt so useless to God and believed I would never make the grade so I gave up trying. (My husband has the same testimony.) I became an unbeliever. It affected every part of my life. I was a regular attendee but I wasn't a believer. I couldn't relate to what the people up front were talking about. They were talking about something that didn‘t seem real to me. And I blamed myself for this failure to believe. I was somehow deficient. There was no option either. If I didn’t fall into the parameters presented, there had to be something wrong with me. I reject this today!

"Just accept at the outset that your humanity is your enemy."

This was easy. The do’s and don’ts of the elite in charge made it clear that if my life was not transforming into a more peaceful and righteous life, it was me (my flesh and humanity) that must be getting in the way. I reject this today!

"Equate God’s blessing with improved circumstances or existing in a constant state of 'good feelings'."

Again this one flows right out of the last one. Emotions of anger, anxiety, and fear, to name just a few, were not acceptable in my belief system. These would be labeled with a “lack of faith” thus putting the feeler into a lesser position with God. The polarity then would be that those who never displayed anger, anxiety, or fear, not to anyone from the church at least, were more righteous and better Christians all around. This resulted in me stuffing my feelings and becoming a good fake. I reject this today!

"Don’t ever let yourself fully give into love and freedom."

This one is an accumulation of all the others in my opinion. This one kept me from experiencing life with my God, my husband, and my family in the ways that the creation is designed to experience life here on planet earth. Love and freedom are what God is all about.

So what is different now? Well, the difference between then and now is revelation. I know this word can have negative connotations. I don’t mean it that way. It’s simple really. I see and believe now that Jesus and Father agreed to make redemption available to me before I had any say in the matter.

It never was about our doing good enough or being good enough to receive his gift of salvation. And there is nothing we can do to keep it. We never were and never will be good enough for God in and of ourselves. He made us righteous through Jesus. This is grace. I walk daily now believing that what I do or say will not distance me from Father. This is the gospel, the good news of Christ.

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes...” Romans 1:16 NKJV

I threw it all away

I read this post tonight at the Free Believers Network. One of the paragraphs spoke so directly to the path I’ve been traversing.

"I visited an atheist's website the other day and was astounded by what I found. This guy believed exactly the way I did. He just got fed up with the god that Christianity had served him and he finally made the decision to throw it all away. I have found that for a Free Believer, the quickest way to recover from organized religious thinking is to become an atheist of sorts. You have to literally divorce your mind from the god you were raised with if you ever want to know the one true God. Most of us spend a lifetime trying to fix our broken image of Him, when in reality, we need to throw it all away and start from scratch."

I threw out my religion because it wasn't working. So much about it not only seemed fake and hyped, it also left me empty inside. My life received no fulfillment from religion. The system I participated in wasn’t producing what it promised. So I wiped the slate clean and started over. I opened the door to God inviting him to show me what was real and what wasn’t.

Over two years later, I have no regrets for taking the path I’ve taken. Life has returned to my soul. Emotion and hope have returned. I’m not an atheist, not by a long shot. My life is certainly different and definitely on more solid ground than ever. I recognize that I’m a spiritual being living a human life. The spiritual separate from the natural. I accept both but I don’t live trying to reconcile one with the other in this natural world.

My spiritual life is settled. It was settled 2,000 years ago with no help from me. The life I life in this world I live by the faith of Jesus.

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

Let Your Heart Win

"Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts." II Corinthians 3:3

Many Parts

Several entries ago I wrote about my physical body situation. The medication is finally working better than it was before and our family doctor is now on the job trying to help me move into a more satisfactory functioning state. This has definitely affected my mental state for the better and all is not lost. It never was, of course, but perception is reality.

Paul wrote in I Corinthians 12:12-26, using his trademark comparison method of teaching, explaining how the physical body is similar to the function of the body of Christ… all parts being necessary… one part not being more important than another. The New Living translation puts it this way:

"12 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.

14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

18 But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

22 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.”

A micro-tear in my plantar fascia caused extreme pain in my left heel. This pain showed up when I first got up to walk or stand. Once I was up it didn’t hurt as much, but the longer I was up the more it hurt when I sat back down. This odd cycle affected my psyche to the point that activity was just not something I looked forward to. Resting the fascia helped but that affected my metabolic rate which in turn touched off other factors in my body. The doctors were called in to help arrest the situation. With the help of time the heel is getting better, and with medication I feel more stabilized in the rest of my body. We’re headed in the right direction, balancing activity with rest.

The seeming “less important part”, my heel, has proven its importance. I see how these verses work with the physical body. How do they work with the body of Christ?

No Such Thing

Here’s another song. This one is by John Mayer called No Such Thing. Here's the video. This song speaks to my finding out that much of Christianity teaches Law and Grace in the same breathe, thus making Grace of no effect (Romans 11:6). I know John Mayer didn’t mean it this way, but I put my own spin on most songs anyway. Isn’t that what they’re for? Grace is the most amazing discovery I’ve made in my life. If running through the halls of the church "screaming" the message of Grace in order to help free others, I might do it. It won't work that way though. Humans make it more difficult than that.

Welcome to the real world, she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits and maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above
I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

depression

Another calendar year is nearly complete. This blog has been up and running for just over a year. Most of it has been about my journey out of religion. It has been an attempt to relate in writing my perceptions of my life over the past 3-4 years, mostly dealing with who I am to God and who he is to and in me.

Writing has been difficult for me lately. A combination of being unsure if I should continue with this blog and the fact that I have felt pretty awful lately… say, since July. In the past two months my body seems to have gone haywire. I finally “broke down” and went to the doctor. Yep, she said I have a few problems. I already knew that but she helped narrow it down a bit. She prescribed a few medications, at low doses, which haven’t really kicked in yet. The issues are not solved and I will be going to another doctor in a few weeks to hone in on the problems more precisely.

All this has led to a degree of depression. Self diagnosed, of course, but this “friend” has visited me often in recent years and is again with me. I think it is safe to say that my whole life has been lived with some degree of depression from time to time. Not continual. Just every so often… whenever outside circumstances seem difficult to deal with especially.

The fact that I’m even writing about it here shows a dramatic change in my approach to this subject. I used to either ignore it, deny it, or resent it. I don’t ignore it or deny it any longer and I’m ever so slowly beginning to accept it and go with it.

Some “experts” say that depression is nothing more than suppressed anger. I don’t doubt it. Expression of emotions has always been difficult for me. Lately my journey has taken me into what I see as new understandings about God. Knowing what to do with my old perceptions and how to deal with the years that I held them has been difficult. I’m ticked off about some of the things I was told by those “in authority” in the church and then believed. I placed undo merit on many who I thought were supposed to know the truth and yet didn’t. There was a form of godliness but no power demonstrated. And, of course, this was my life too. I didn’t know any different and didn’t have any power in my life either. I was totally buffaloed by my own beliefs and had no concept of where the power was supposed to even come from. Looking back at this reality, at times, produces anger toward myself, those people, and even at God.

Christmas past

Five years old…